7 years ago
Monday, January 5, 2009
Sunday, January 4, 2009
Guess What?!?!
My sister finally got her first kiss!!!
And it is a mammal!!! It is the best we could have hoped for.
And it is a mammal!!! It is the best we could have hoped for.
DEE EYE WHY
I like drinking. It's nice, makes me appear even more attractive than I already am, makes me a lot funnier and generally tastes good, so I did a bunch of it on Friday Night. I also ate a Grilled Chicken from Hungry Jacks, but I digress.
Anyhow, after I'd gotten dressed in a pair of stone washed faded denim shorts that basically look like nappies, with a basketball singlet tucked into it and a pair of high heeled Mary Janes, I decided that my hair was all wrong. I've been asking my brothers girlfriend, my sisters, my friends, people on the street and just general dickheads to cut my hair for about a month now because since my personal hairdresser FUCKED UP MY LIFE BY MOVING TO LONDON (P.S. I love you Bee, come home soon! Not just for cuts!) I haven't found a new one, and I refuse to just go to a hairdressers. Haircuts aren't the same unless you can sit in someones kitchen with a bottle of SEVINGYONG SAMILLION BLONC and bitch about your respective boyfriends or dumb cunts that you hate, or just plain idiots like that Anna girl with bangs who is a goth now or something.
So, after some 100 proof or whatever Southern Comfort (don't look at me, I was wearing stone wash shorts) I decided to cut my own hair. This went reasonably well. I just pulled my hair in two bunchs on the side and cut the dead bits off, and made it even since it had been uneven since Joshy and I had had a Scissor Fight at someones house at 6:30am about 6 months ago. This fight consisted of us attacking each others head with scissors trying to cut bits of hair off. I think I won.
I couldn't get to the back of my hair so I asked my brother to do it. Unfortunately he was preoccupied with a game of chess at the time and didn't really pay attention to my delightful fingers when they demonstrated exactly how much to cut off. Also I have curly hair and I didn't explain that that demonstration meant pull it straight. As such I now have the gayest hair cut in the entire world and I'm thinking about shaving my head. I don't really go much for grooming anyway and this is all just too.fucking.hard.com.
Anyhow, after I'd gotten dressed in a pair of stone washed faded denim shorts that basically look like nappies, with a basketball singlet tucked into it and a pair of high heeled Mary Janes, I decided that my hair was all wrong. I've been asking my brothers girlfriend, my sisters, my friends, people on the street and just general dickheads to cut my hair for about a month now because since my personal hairdresser FUCKED UP MY LIFE BY MOVING TO LONDON (P.S. I love you Bee, come home soon! Not just for cuts!) I haven't found a new one, and I refuse to just go to a hairdressers. Haircuts aren't the same unless you can sit in someones kitchen with a bottle of SEVINGYONG SAMILLION BLONC and bitch about your respective boyfriends or dumb cunts that you hate, or just plain idiots like that Anna girl with bangs who is a goth now or something.
So, after some 100 proof or whatever Southern Comfort (don't look at me, I was wearing stone wash shorts) I decided to cut my own hair. This went reasonably well. I just pulled my hair in two bunchs on the side and cut the dead bits off, and made it even since it had been uneven since Joshy and I had had a Scissor Fight at someones house at 6:30am about 6 months ago. This fight consisted of us attacking each others head with scissors trying to cut bits of hair off. I think I won.
I couldn't get to the back of my hair so I asked my brother to do it. Unfortunately he was preoccupied with a game of chess at the time and didn't really pay attention to my delightful fingers when they demonstrated exactly how much to cut off. Also I have curly hair and I didn't explain that that demonstration meant pull it straight. As such I now have the gayest hair cut in the entire world and I'm thinking about shaving my head. I don't really go much for grooming anyway and this is all just too.fucking.hard.com.
Saturday, January 3, 2009
living the dream
last night i had this really weird dream that iggys boss was kidnapping people and enslaving them with the hard duties of being graveyard peeps at the hotel at which iggy works.
anyway the dumb dude was a total asshole lunatic and kept all these baby foxes and tigers everywhere and there were so many piled high around the hotel that i couldnt do a wee as they were all coming out of the toilet too.
so i was real angry, not only did this spaz kidnap me but now i cant even do a wee, COME ON!
he then proceeded too tell me "yr hair looks really gay when you do it like that"
this was the last straw for nina, so i picked up a doorstop and threw it at his head and he died.
the end.
(NME)
anyway the dumb dude was a total asshole lunatic and kept all these baby foxes and tigers everywhere and there were so many piled high around the hotel that i couldnt do a wee as they were all coming out of the toilet too.
so i was real angry, not only did this spaz kidnap me but now i cant even do a wee, COME ON!
he then proceeded too tell me "yr hair looks really gay when you do it like that"
this was the last straw for nina, so i picked up a doorstop and threw it at his head and he died.
the end.
(NME)
Beyonce
I think I am pretty delirious right now from my annual case of barfing tonsillitis BUT how amazing is Beyonce. I am going to post the lyrics to Single Ladies because I have never read anything else more inspiring.
All the single ladies
Now put your hands up
Up in the club, just broke up
I’m doing my own little thing
Decided to dip but now you wanna trip
Cuz another brother noticed me
I’m up on him, he up on me
Don’t pay him any attention
Cried my tears, three good years
Ya can’t be mad at me
Cuz if you liked it then you should have put a ring on it
If you liked it then you should have put a ring on it
Don’t be mad once you see that he want it
If you liked it then you should have put a ring on it
I put gloss on my lips, a man on my hips
Hold me tighter than my Dereon jeans
Acting up, drink in my cup
I could care less what you think
I need no permission, did I mention
Don’t pay him any attention
Cuz you had your turn
But now you gonna learn
What it really feels to miss me
Cuz if you liked it then you should have put a ring on it
If you liked it then you should have put a ring on it
Don’t be mad once you see that he want it
If you liked it then you should have put a ring on it
Don’t treat me like things of this world
I’m not that kind of girl
Your love is what I prefer, what I deserve
He’s a man that makes me and takes me
And delivers me to a destiny, to infinity and beyond
Pull me into your arms
Say I’m not the one you own
If you don’t, you’ll be alone
And like a ghost, I’ll be gone
All the single ladies
Now put your hands up
I am going to start wearing leotards in public now, btw and I fully expect all my closest friends to learn this dance in full and be able to perform on request.
All the single ladies
Now put your hands up
Up in the club, just broke up
I’m doing my own little thing
Decided to dip but now you wanna trip
Cuz another brother noticed me
I’m up on him, he up on me
Don’t pay him any attention
Cried my tears, three good years
Ya can’t be mad at me
Cuz if you liked it then you should have put a ring on it
If you liked it then you should have put a ring on it
Don’t be mad once you see that he want it
If you liked it then you should have put a ring on it
I put gloss on my lips, a man on my hips
Hold me tighter than my Dereon jeans
Acting up, drink in my cup
I could care less what you think
I need no permission, did I mention
Don’t pay him any attention
Cuz you had your turn
But now you gonna learn
What it really feels to miss me
Cuz if you liked it then you should have put a ring on it
If you liked it then you should have put a ring on it
Don’t be mad once you see that he want it
If you liked it then you should have put a ring on it
Don’t treat me like things of this world
I’m not that kind of girl
Your love is what I prefer, what I deserve
He’s a man that makes me and takes me
And delivers me to a destiny, to infinity and beyond
Pull me into your arms
Say I’m not the one you own
If you don’t, you’ll be alone
And like a ghost, I’ll be gone
All the single ladies
Now put your hands up
I am going to start wearing leotards in public now, btw and I fully expect all my closest friends to learn this dance in full and be able to perform on request.
Thursday, January 1, 2009
New Years Piss
On New Year's Eve everybody counts down till midnight because then it's the new year. Normally I do really special things on the countdown, like not notice or try to find where I hid my bottle of gin. This year was another winner, whilst everybody was shouting 10 9 8 I had just started to do a really long wee. I was pushing out my stream so hard so I could do something cute on the 0 but when the big cheer went up I was wiping.
Sucks to be me! Actually it doesn't really, because the next day I ate a lot and then took some valium whilst two kittens licked my toes.
Sucks to be me! Actually it doesn't really, because the next day I ate a lot and then took some valium whilst two kittens licked my toes.
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