Y'all don't fuck us, nigga we fuck you

It's Monday, I've been asleep since 4pm and I dreamt I lived in Guildford. I feel weird. I also feel really excited about living! I'm young and I've got heaps of stuff to do! Whoever is free on Wednesday should come drink sangria with me at noon. Drinking during the day always makes me think of being in high school, because that's what you did back then. I remember I got WASTED off gin when I was 14 and went to the Claremont Fair and I was wearing an asymmetrical top!! I rode on the kiddy ferris wheel and got really excited on it and Richard Court was watching me from the queue. Oops!

Anyway, because I don't rly have email or credit, this is a letter to the C.O.D. and our fellow lady associates. Can we please have a ladies' night like rully rully soon? I watched this video and I think I'm wasting my femininity. I can't embed it but go clicky: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lt8QB8nmT2I (you actually won't regret clicking that).



I donut remember the last time I stayed out real late. I've only been to the Paramount once. I think the last time I puked in public was in 2006. I've probably worn high heels like 5 times in my life. I've never had curlers in my hair but once I wore body glitter!! So this is how we gonna do it on the weekend: we are all gonna go to someone's house to get ready and bring enough slutty outfits to do a fashion montage. You are gonna say "Let me borrow that top!!" and I will say "Sure!". The rule is you have to wear high heels and if your skirt/shorts aren't short, then your shirt has to be see-through or low cut. If you get all three (short, see-through, low-cut) then you are a massive winner. If you get a fake tan for the occasion we have to pay for your drinks all night because you are the ultimate.

We gonna drink vodka and diet coke and play drinking games and listen to Dirrty by Aguilera on repeat. She is our idol p.s. We're gonna catch the bus to Northbridge and take ages to buy tickets and stink up the back seats with our shitty perfume. We're gonna drink Bacardi Breezers secretly/obviously. Then we are gonna go to a million sleazy R 'n' B clubs (exclusively R 'n' B) and reapply lipstick in the bathroom. If you are a dude with a goatee we are gonna dance with you. Then say we have boyfriends. If you go home with someone and have sex to T.I. then we have to buy your drinks for the rest of your life because you are even better than the girl with the fake tan. We can yell at policeman and puke and go to peepshows. We can catch the 6am train and then go out for breakfast at 5 pm the next day wearing sunglasses.

Ok???

Love Clare xoxo