GREYMOUTH, NZ (10-14 yrs of age)
my sister and i used too travel down too greymouth about once a year too visit my dads side of the family. my grandfather and his wifey owned a big farm and thats where i pretty much learnt too fear most animals and small children.
UNLESS you are armed with electric beating stick (this is crucial for yr safety) but you only get that once you prove how "down too earth you are" which pretty much means wading through thigh high animal excretion, being bitten and kicked by animals that have testicles larger than yr head, and being the passenger on a quad bike while yr 6 yr old cousin "drives" and by drive i mean almost crash, laugh hysterically then "dismount you" by slamming on the brakes suddenly causing you too be bucked from the motorbike with such speed you collide with the ground, winded, writhing and asking for mom.
(eventually i earnt the electric stick but was never brave enough too use it) oh yeah, its probably called a cattle prod.
anyway it was fun because every morning we would eat porridge with brown sugar and cream and in the afternoon i sipped REAL milk IE, FRESH FRM THE COW.
this one time, while i was in greymouth i accidentally whipped my sister with a dressage whip and got chased down the driveway. i kept running because my sister was wailing like a baby and she had this big red welt across her back. what can i say? i was 11 and i literally thought they would murder me.
BALI, BALI (15 yrs of age)
the thing i liked most about bali was the hard rock cafe! and the mini bar! and the hotel swimming pool! and chocolate brownies!!
pretty much anything outside the hotel room doors i loathed. i resented the tacky imitation watches and inferior range of chilled beverages.
i disliked the people, or more pointedly the woman who GRABBED my sister and i, then yelled in my mums face "HAIR BRAID THAY WANA HARR BRAYYDD" my mum replied "do you girls really want youre hair braided?" too which my sister and i quietly shook our heads. this bint would not shut her pie hole "ONLY FIVE DORRAH, BARGAIN!! CLOSING DOWN SAIL! MUCH DAMAGED STOCK, LAST TIME EVER ETC!"
if only i spoke.. "seriously lady im only 15 but i am aware of my round head, therefore im aware i dont suit braids. i also suspect you may be an HIV carrier, please step away"
BRISVEGAS BABY, AUSTRALIA (18 yrs of age)
i went too brisbane, on my own, first time solo travel too visit my good friend rebecca dennis.
brisbane is quite pretty in some ways, they have a picture-esque coastine, they sell port royal tobaccoo (NZ brand), the shops are open pretty much all the time, the suns bright and starbucks is a sweet, sweet, novelty, giant sized coffee delight.
the locals however seem too be fans of the "tan, torso, tit job" trifecta. this means you must be showing AT LEAST two of these things 24/7. three and yr a total goddess.
in their world i fail miserably. im young, i think 'interpol' means international police and 'the bakery' is somewhere you buy bread from. and im a pasty little moon tanner. and im a 10A, the official founder of the itty bitty titty committee. so i wouldnt want too move there or anything but i did end up having a good time noune the less. we made macaroni cheese from scratch with layers of tasty cheese and potatoe crisps crumbled on top with parmesan for extra flavour and crunch! i dont think id seen anyone except my mum and nana cook before this so it was quite clearly an epiphany for my 18 yr old brains.
i also lobbed! for the first time! it didnt really do anything except make my eyes look huge, which i didnt mind too much. i called it "the lost child look" and i thought it expressed my inner turmoil perfectly. i woke up at 1pm the next day grinding my teeth because i had a tic-tac in my mouth, which in my dream had bean a hearty leg of poultry. i think i went too a drum and bass club too?
yup, holidays are pretty fun. maybe it would be better if i was going overseas though, at least then i could be all "it was magical! lifechanging! i know who my true friends are now!! dont sweat the small stuff!! im really sure of who i am now! it just took alot of alcohol, sex, planes and money for me too find out!!!"
(NME)
No comments:
Post a Comment