LET IT GO

I have decided to be grosser than ever before and not give a crap about anything ever. I'll still pay my bills, make my bed and probably finish my journalism degree at some point. I might even make up a five year plan.

What I mean is that I am going to have little to no shame. I'm not going to start doing audible farts on the train or anything but I am definitely not going to wash my hair more than once a week. This all relates to owning it. If you own every shitty mistake, every character flaw and every disgusting action nobody can ever make fun of you. Sure, people may not like you anymore and you'll most probably never date anyone ever again but you will reach a kind of Zen state and anyway you'll have more time for reading and masturbating.

I know Clare was especially horrified by my most recent blog and I can understand why, nobody in their right mind would admit to falling into their own wee. But I'm not in my right mind. I spend a quarter of my time at my agonisingly boring job and the rest of my time just with me. That's a lot of time to reflect on all the shitty things I have done and I REALLY need to be at peace with them.

Maybe I should just get a therapist, I could just say "hey I just need you to listen to all these awful things, nod and say 'hey, at least you don't want to have sex with children'".

I would like to think I am smart enough to pull off being gross and friendless. One time I beat my entire family at Trivial Pursuit! Although, last time my sister won and I'm pretty sure the doctor accidentally injected the epidural into her head at birth.

So anyway, if you guys still want to be my friend let's go to the royal show and pretend to be siblings then make out. Also, we should get curly fries.