five, the power too rock you

1# i used too be a CHAMPIONSHIP horserider.  mostly showing, dressage and showjumping. wank wank wank. this time 7 years ago i thought my future occupation was going too be owning a studfarm and  being an olympic cross country'er. i have many ribbons and rosettes. i won a trophy but it was one of thoose gay ones you have too give back. pish.

2# stupid things happen too me, constantly. cockroaches fly intoo my head, i bleed on my resumes, i get toothpaste in my eye, while making out i fall through glass plate windows, i fall off the bed during "unbridled passion" and fuck up my face. why me? oh cruel world.

3# the only "club" ive ever been apart of is the goosebumps club which was held at my house in shitsville, laverton. dont know where laverton is? you donut want too. locals carry around axes and have pet flys. 

4# in primary school i was obsessed with having pets.. pet lizards, fish, crazy crabs, snails. i am such a big pet loving loser that when i got a pony for xmas i CRIED. i also CRIED when i saw my cat have kittens. i quite obviously have an emotionally retarded sickness where i only cry at animals not at real life situations that actually affect my personal life. HAHA I WIN AT LIFE!!

5# this post was dedicated too the infamous 90's band FIVE. not 5ive as some people may have you believe. wtf, numbers are not letters and you are not the decider, dick. on their album they had a secret track number 555 haha. a band member called abs. EAT BRISKET!

DISCLAIMER: im not good at anything anymore and i dont have any pets too cry over. i lost that FIVE album years ago but dont worry im still doing shit-idiot things. mostly not on purpose. my bike has one pedal :(

(NME)