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Shit things I have done at various jobs.

Small Retail Store: Lady asks for separate bags for all her small items, I say "are you sure? That isn't really environmentally friendly of you" she says "listen girly I've been shopping since before you were born" I reply with "listen LADY I know you've probably been shopping since the Cretaceous period, it doesn't give you the right to have separate bags for all your chopsticks". I find it hard to believe she didn't complain but my boss never mentioned it to me, they probs realised she was a bitch.

Pizza Joint: Played Moldy Peaches "Steak for Chicken" rally loud while a group of kids in the store. (Not that bad).

IGA: Went to Club Bayspew (shame) with Lucy the night before I was due to work at 6am, got rally fucking drunk, decided to quit. Woke up at 9am in City Beach at some dude's house in his dog's bed with a thousand missed calls from my mum and work. Turns out that day was the first day the fruit and veg manager was to open the store and he didn't know how to work the till (it isn't rocket science). Since I was the only person rostered on, when I didn't turn up he freaked out. He went outside to tell he gaggle of shoppers why he wasn't letting them in and locked himself out. My boss then has to drive from Rockingham to Mosman Park at 6.30am to let Fruitnveg dude back in. I didn't even get fired, I worked there for another year.

I also told my boss's 10 year old daughter that the business was failing and called the other daughter 'Feces Face' repeatedly.

And I came in one time at 6am on a Saturday off my guts drunk with dude, walked around the store eating yesterday's cheesemite scrolls talking to Clare (also drunk but actually working) until my boss told me to leave.

Current Job: when I first started, to handle the hours I would take some 'stimulants' that would also loosen my tongue. One night I told everyone I wanted to sell my dirty undies on the Internet. Still haven't lived it down. Still want to sell my undies on the Internets.

Read pretty much the whole Twilight series while I was supposed to be working.

Called in drunk about 20 times, once citing "bug bites" as my excuse.

But I'm all grown up now, no more being shit at work.

Give me a job everybody.