STEP ONE
DON'T THROW YOUR PHONE IN THE DARK IN HYDE PARK.
STEP TWO
DON'T PUT YOUR CHANGE IN YOUR BRA BECAUSE YOU HAVE NO POCKETS WHEN YOU BUY DRINKS AND THEN WHEN A GOLD COIN FALLS OUT YOU LOOK DOWN AND THINK 'OH, TREASURE!!' BEND DOWN AND FALL ASS OVER TIT.
STEP THREE
DON'T FIGHT WITH PEOPLE IN THE MIDDLE OF BEAUFORT STREET BECAUSE THEN YOU WILL NEVER BE IN A FIXIE GANG OR IF YOU WERE IN ONE, YOU WILL BE TURFED OUT FASTER THAN YOU CAN ROLL DOWN YOUR JEANS.
STEP FOUR
DON'T ORDER A GRILLED CHICKEN BURGER AND TAKE THE WHOLE BURGER OUT OF THE WRAPPER AND THEN WHEN YOU BITE INTO IT THE PATTY FALLS INTO A PUDDLE.
STEP FIVE
DON'T EVER, EVER, EVER FALL IN LOVE.
STEP SIX
DON'T GET SO ANGRY YOU THROW A BOTTLE AT A TAXI AND THE BOTTLE BOUNCES OFF IT AND HITS YOU, SPRAYING BEER AND GLASS ALL OVER YOU.
5 years ago
2 comments:
I once got all riled up at a party and tried to glass someone, except banging an empty beer bottle against a plastic table doesn't really work unless your aim is to look like a fucking moron and get kicked out by somebody's mum.
p.s. I am truly humbled over being blogrolled on dardia. Can now die satisfied. Thanks guys.
You are incredibly welcome. One time I got so drunk that I thought this guy was being mean to me but he actually wasn't even talking to me so I screamed at him, threw bottles at him and then my boyfriend punched him in the face. For absolutely nothing. Thank god he was actually a moron otherwise I might feel bad. This was the same night I almost weed my bed.
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