Axe Gemmer

Dear Gemmer,

What should i buy my son for his birthday that is guaranteed to make all the mature age mums at playgroup wet their pants with jealousy? Also where do i get one of those wine glasses i need it for playgroup.

Love Carly.

Dear Carly,

Let's face it Carly, you have already given your son the greatest gift of all...A hot mum. As soon as he hits puberty ALL his friends (plus all the little lesbos depending how cool "gay" is in 10 years) are going to be at your house making "lil H" the most popular kid in school. He may act all put out by his friends ogling your boobs but he will never be lonely. I'm an ugly drunk who lives alone so I know loneliness and trust me, it ain't yummers.

But back to your question. I spend a lot of time at work pretending to poo but really I am in the Toy Story section LIVING IT UP. Pretty much anything from there will suffice. HOWEVER my mum gave my cousin that amaze Toy Story Lego set and when my Aunty axed "do you like it" he said "NO I WANT A TRANSFORMER". (serves her right. You know she looks like Angelica Huston? Imagine THAT pretending to be a witch)

I really want a Jessie Doll.

I almost bought one at Toy World in Singapore but I decided it would be impossible to get past my mum and brother.

I hope this has been helpful.

Love and fond memories of the time you stole my cold and flu tablets,

Gemmer

PS. You might have to google the wine glass. And then let me know how to get it. My family would probably wee their Poise Panty Liners if I gave it to Grandma.

If you have a question for me send it to axe_da_cod@hotmail.com. I'm single, live alone and work a full time retail job so I obvs have my life together.