LAWN POO

let me set the scene for you, its a crisp picture-esque night at yr favourite friday hang (amps obviously) and yr nights going pretty well considering you havent really been socially interactive in like 3 wks. the only thing missing is cameron james stack which clearly sucks as you know we all need him like we need air too breathe.

SO this 17 yr old (or whatever) gets all up in my grill pulling the fingers at me while shes walking past. i think "hmm why is this person with a face like a wet fart insulting me by exsisting, SORRY DO I KNOW YOU??" i feel bad, naturally.. im trying too use all my charm and cute looks and attention on my friends but this mofo is distracting me and im losing confidence.

so 17 yr old walks past me about two more times in the same fashion as above except mouthing the words bitch, slut or something similar.

i pull 17 yr old aside stare intoo her eyes, trying too concentrate on not appearing TOO drunk because lets face it i kind of am. okay the conversation that follows...

N: sorry for interrupting me but i notice yr trying too get my attention by being mean too me. have we met, im nina.

17: blah blah blah youre a bitch, slut, tramp etc.

N: again, seeing as i dont know you im not really sure what ive done too upset you. maybe you could tell me why yr being such a jerk??

17: yr sleeping with the person my best friends seeing, you are totally mean

N: sleeping with someone? haha WHO?

17: yr sleeping with _ _ _ _ _ _ and theyre together!!!

N: well for the record _ _ _ _ _ _ and i are real good friends and weve made out once and we have slept in the same bed but were not "doing it" if thats what you mean. were actually completly lame and spend all night talking about epic deaths, man crushes and things of the like. also seeing as im _ _ _ _ _ _'s new best friend i would totally know if he was "seeing" someone. im pretty sure theyre just fucking. OH WAIT why does this concern you?

17: because im looking out for my best friend, im 17 you know. (haha)

N: well if yr best friend really did like _ _ _ _ _ _ and was genuinely concerned about the nature of our friendship maybe she should come talk too me. im actually pretty nice and i could totally tell her impressive things too say too him and he will be all like won over and digging it.

17: fuck you blah blah you donut even know her blah blah

N: sorry 17 i have too say it but you yr being really immature about this whole thing. DEAL

17: IMMATURE??!!

17: *flips me the bird and walk away*

obviously this whole time im secretly wishing i was at home eating burgers instead of being harassed by 17. the thing is 17 is totally wailing on me and it totally freaks the shit out of me because i just dont get wailed on. even if in our blog i sound like a retarded cheese loving child the truth is im actually okay in real life. im actually kind of friendly, kind of sweet sometimes. and as gemma once said

"mean, but you couldnt be mean nina. youre just not intellegent enough!"

and the thing is if her best friends upset thats fine i get it and am willing too accept such an obstacle in our nonfriendship exsists but i bet her best friend and i would probably get along. 

dear god some people are just SO STUPID. stupid 17.

also i am pissed that she thinks im sleeping with someone because IM NOT (im boring) and it would obviously be cooler if i was and _ _ _ _ _ _ is a super hot fox so i could like, win friends with that kind of ammo.

i have a single bed that ive never had sex in. the last person i had sex with was the boy i used too date and i did it because i lobb'd him not for fun casual times. i fall asleep on the couch watching movies. my favourite movie is black beauty. IN ENGLISH: im not sleeping with anyone.

the next time 17 see's this cheeky face will be when im taking a shit on her lawn. i feel sorry for her parents. its probably their lawn (shes 17 you know)

OKAY, THANKS FOR LISTENING I FEEL SO MUCH BETTER NOW I GOT ALL MY REPRESSED ANGER OUT. I DONUT WANT TOO BE A DUMB SLAPPER WHO LASHES PEOPLE ON THE NET BUT THAT CAN CHANGE, NEXT TIME YOU SEE 17 LET ME KNOW AND ILL THROW HEAVY OBJECTS AT HER KNEE PITS WHICH WILL RENDER HER SLIGHTLY SPASTIC AND I WILL SPEED AWAY ON MY LOYAL STEED (BIKE)

PS// sometimes i dont know how i do it its like one minute my lifes a joke and the next im maccing with hot babes and planning bike gangs. shit yes!!

(NME)