I miss you.

This is Alexi. Some of you may know her.

I met her at the Mundaring Hotel. She is pretty much the ultimate Beyonce. Things Alexi has done that I think are rad:

• Thrown plates at a dude walking along the street while driving
• Broke up with someone by saying "I hope a bus runs over your face, you Mr Burns lookalike"
• Pooped on top of a car to get back at some fuckwit who did something horrible to one of her friends
• Rescued me from many insane situations with my ex boyfriend
• Ditched a used tampon at someone
• Pashed a dude at Manor and then shouting "YOU TASTE LIKE GARLIC" at him
• Written Carole King lyrics all over toilet doors in the Mojos bathroom
• Once got fingered at Amps

At one grand point early last year, urrthing was right with the world and her and Cameron Stack started dating. It was quite possibly the greatest coupling in the history of the universe forever. She is London and has been there for about 18 months now. I fucking miss her so much it hurts.