And Triple J TV is so crap. I hate The Grates so much, they remind me of this awful driving instructor I had.
I went through four different driving instructors, the first was this old dude who taught my brother and all my cousins and everybody loved him. He used to jokingly tell me to open my door when I was going past Asians to knock them down and if we managed to somehow find ourselves outside of the golden triangle he’d tell me to watch out because it was “boong (sp?) Country”, he was super weird. He also used to tell me I was a bogan for wearing black nail polish; didn’t he understand I was trying to show my inner turmoil via my exterior self?
The second was this totally cute guy who didn’t really teach me anything, he just made me drive around Mosman Park looking at all the giant houses, then one day a new guy showed up. I heard the cute guy lost his license from drink driving.
The third was this SUPER weird guy. He was always trying to impress me with his shit music taste which mostly revolved around Regina Spektor (sp?) and the Grates. He always used to talk about his girlfriend who I am pretty sure was fake. He would ask me weird favors like coming over to his house to set up his iPod, you know, because it’s the hard. And he would ask me fashion advice, like one time he said he was going to the Big Day Out with his fake girlfriend and he was all “what should my fake girlfriend wear to the Big Day Out? She doesn’t like her legs” and I was all “pants, dickhed”.
And then a week before my test he was going on about how excited he was about going to Broome that week and I was like “well my test is on Monday” and he was like “Oh yeah I forgot about that…you’re not ready”. I mean shit; I had had like a million lessons. So my mum flipped the shit and called him and he actually said I was at about the same level as his Asian students.
So I called his boss and told them about how he had taken me on the freeway multiple times even though I was only on first phase Ls, how he made me practice reverse parallel parking in a bus bay on Mounts Bay Road in peak hour traffic and how he made me park in a bus bay in the city while he went into an antique store to buy a present for his fake girlfriend and didn’t deduct it from the fees. Such a creep. I bet you I could find him on Adultmatchmaker.com; I bet he’s into “toys” and being bossed around.
But back to Triple J TV. They are all such WANGS, they’re all in their mid-thirties and you can totally tell they used to rave hard in the nineties, and not in a good way. And they never have anything bad to say about any music ever even though a lot of the shit they play is fucking awful (Australian Hip-hop? Ewwwww).
Other things I thought about:
I wondered if this was for realsies for a pretty long time.
Sarah Palin's vagina
That time I had a rash.
Mmmmmmm
2 comments:
OK I'm gonna science school you about flies. Because flies are cold-blooded (ie they don't produce their own body heat like we do), and they are so teensy, they take on the temperature of their surroundings really really rapidly, much moreso than a lizard or larger cold-blooded animals.
So they do actually stop moving once they get cold enough, like in the fridge or freezer, and won't be able to have enough energy to move until they gain some from the heat of their surroundings.
So, if the flies could actually stay stuck really well in the glue, and you didn't damage their wings in the process, I think the fly plane could work. This could be our next summer project, as well as determining once for all how many strawberries you need to eat to break out in hives.
The only lie on those instructions is that the flies would be happy to be superglued to a plane.
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