Thursday, May 29, 2008

Chink adventures.

This is my housemate, Cameron. Some of you may know him.

Here he is with one of his many bitches. We named this one Frowny because that's all she did whenever we talked to him. Sigh. It's so hard being a dardy.

Here he is with another. Take note of how much of a dreamboat he is. You should emulate this at all times. Boy or Girl, whatevs.

Cameron likes to lob. He also likes to drink. His preferred beverage is Cougar bourbon. He loves to party. Here is me and Cameron partying. Take note of the bottle in my hand. Yes, that's right, Stones. No ordinary G-dubs however but Stones Mac. GDUBS TO THE MAC. I think we are at Cottesloe train station waiting for a guy to deliver us drugs on his pushbike.

Anyhoo, one night Cameron ingested a bunch of the aforementioned Cougars plus a multitude of other drinks and went to Amps to pick up some bitches by air-instrument dancing on the dance floor. Talented lad that he is, he can play air guitar, air bass, air drums, air trumpet, and my favourite, air keys. When he goes to Shape he plays air nob-twiddling with one hand on his ear like a headphone. It's really rad.

He was with his life partner, Bowser. Here's Bowser sitting on a roof.

He looks really wistful.

As luck would have it, neither Cameron nor Bows picked up any ready, willing and able Amps dardies and they were a bit miffed about this. They heck needed to get laid, o, they went to the servo and picked up a newspaper. I got home later that night and discovered they'd hung out in my room looking at the paper. It was all over my room, but one section was missing. The "Introduction" section.

Cameron later told me that they only had one requirement. That the bitches be chinks. Neither of them had fucked a chink before, and they were hecka curious about it, rightfully so I think. I've never banged an asian before but that's because I hear that chinks of the male persuasian have rully rully small wangs. They get in the car with their chosen ad and drive to some house. Cameron said that while driving he was expecting this.

I tried to find a still of a Chingy clip because that was the quote "I thought I was gonna get girls like a Chingy clip, just dardy asians sitting around in lingerie in some mansion waiting for me" but I couldn't find one. Use your imagination. Just insert some champagne or something.

Instead he got this.

The 'lobby' was the kitchen. There were beds and mattreses urrwhere and I loled real hard when Bows told me that they were smoking, for some reason. Cameron was mega tanked by this point, so he asked for a drink of water, and then sat on a couch. Which he then slid down on. One of the 'working girls' came over and tried to tempt him with a hug, and some kind of vague "come onnnn" speak which he kind of reciprocated until he slid his hands down her and tried to grope her. She slapped his hands away and said "NO, NO, NO YOU HAVE NO PAID." Then he passed out.

He woke up to Bowser half carrying/half dragging him out the door and to the car. Bowser had to drive home that night, on the freeway, no license while Cameron corpsed in the backseat. I was out the front of my house at 5am carrying some buns to my friends house so I could eat a burger, so I got to witness them coming home. It was amazing.

And that's the story of how my housemate got a free hug from an asian hooker in a home brothel on Canning Highway somewhere.

Love Gracey.

P.S. When I asked Bowser how it was, he said "She did everything she was s'posed to do."

I am half woman, half tree.

Once upon a time (ie. three and a half weeks ago) I was up on a roof, waving my arms around, yelling at my neighbour who was quite clearly masturbating. When I had to get down, I jumped. This proved to be quite a problem as I ended up with a broken heel.
I have had a cast for almost a month now which means that my leg has not been washed, shaved, moisturised or any of that crappy girl shit for that amount of time. So, last night G-dog and I tried to look down it to judge whether I could plait or braid my leg hair yet. I can't, but you know how skin dies and flakes off and junk? Like, science? Human Bio? Yeah well, it's got no where to go. My leg looks like a dead junkie's leg.

The End.
Love Gracey.

Lob Lob's Lob Blog

gracey, me, gemma and nina are gonna start blogging the shit out of this okay! love clare xoxoxo