Wednesday, October 19, 2011

Famous People I Have Met

In 1999 I went to a Telethon party at Challenge Stadium and met some pretty famous aussie celebs (I was 12). Other famous people I have met have resulted from me being generally influential.

(1) Sister2Sister

This was Australia's answer to Tegan and Sara (except they weren't gay and I think Tegan and Sara came after Sister2Sister). They were really nice to me as I was being crushed in the line to get their autograph (not kidding).

(2) Ryan Kwanten

This was before True Blood, when he was just Vinnie from Summer Bay (jailed for fraud). I kept a signed picture of him in my school desk until 2001 when I realised that life was too short to like biffs (9/11 never forget). When I was 14 I had a crush on a guy called Vinnie and when he called, instead of saying "Gemmer, Vinnie is on the phone" my brother would yell "VINNIE PATTERSON, IN JAIL FOR FRAUD."*

(3) Shelley Craft

You may recognise her from Australia's Funniest Home Videos (now known as 'YouTube'), but back in the "rad" 90s she was a host on Saturday Morning Disney. I plum did not like her so I challenged her to a duel in an inflatable gladiator ring. I was 12 and I BEAT HER ASS. Ruthlessly. AND I was wearing a pair of skants (skirt-pants).

I could not find a photo of the kind of skants I was wearing so I drew a picture.


(4) Bright Eyes

When Clarke and I were in high school we were in love with Conor Oberst, so when they announced that they were supporting REM's Australian tour we jumped at the chance to ask our parents to buy us tickets. Then tragedy struck...they announced a solo show. We considered scalping our tickets but we were 17 and didn't know how to be shady. In the end we went to both shows. At the REM concert we got bored and decided to dance in the foyer where we were picked up by the Bright Eyes' seedy manager (because Clarke looked like a pedophile's wet dream). He took us backstage where I was nervous and as a result got increasingly drunk.

All I remember is Conor Oberst being incredibly high and listening to French Hip Hop, spying on him while he did a wee and trying to force feed him Passion Pop on the basis that it was an Australian tradition. I also jumped up and down on the creepy manager's hotel bed followed by a cheeky vom in his toilet. Then I ate a rotten apple from the hotel lobby's fruit bowl. Then Clarke and Lucy took all the money out of my wallet and dumped me at the Subiaco train station. Oh and Mike Mogis was really nice.

I no longer love the band Bright Eyes.

(5) John Safran

This was a really big deal for me because when I was 15 my parents used to go out on Mondays and I would watch John Safran's Music Jamboree, Life Support, Queer as Folk, and then Oz (all four shows had a direct impact on how I turned out). The dream ended when my brother walked in on me watching Oz, thought it was gay porn and banned me from my Monday night viewing/mazzfest. John Safran said he liked my shoes and tried to bang my friend Beck.

(6) One of the two dudes from Yo La Tengo

I was pretty drunk. I bought a shirt off him.

Oh and I saw that stupid blonde kid from X Factor at the CBD bar last week, he has a weird tan. AND the Introvert-Extrovert guy applied for a job at my work but he was weird and nobody wanted to hire him. He came in about 7 times for an update on his job application which at the time I thought was awkward, but in the end it didn't matter.

When I was 18 I worked at an IGA and one of my regulars looked really familiar so I assumed he was famous. Turned out that he just looked heaps like MacGyver.


*Because Ryan Kwanten's character Vinnie (Home and Away 1987-present) was jailed for fraud and then the prison he was in caught fire and he DIED)

Sunday, October 16, 2011


cant wait to be done with school! only 4 weeks to go. the smell of summer (sunscreen, hot chips and vaguely coconut) is in the air. looking forward to being a member of the human race again (social interaction, leaving the house, possible employment, sangria)

Sunday, October 9, 2011

Donut Art

I made this for my friend Alex for her birthday.

Friday, October 7, 2011

Still at uni after all these beers.

Sometimes at school I will spend the entire class drawing a creepy picture so that the people sitting next to me will not be tempted to strike up a conversation. This plan backfires when I have to do a group discussion with them or if I am sitting next to a goth.