I like drinking. It's nice, makes me appear even more attractive than I already am, makes me a lot funnier and generally tastes good, so I did a bunch of it on Friday Night. I also ate a Grilled Chicken from Hungry Jacks, but I digress.
Anyhow, after I'd gotten dressed in a pair of stone washed faded denim shorts that basically look like nappies, with a basketball singlet tucked into it and a pair of high heeled Mary Janes, I decided that my hair was all wrong. I've been asking my brothers girlfriend, my sisters, my friends, people on the street and just general dickheads to cut my hair for about a month now because since my personal hairdresser FUCKED UP MY LIFE BY MOVING TO LONDON (P.S. I love you Bee, come home soon! Not just for cuts!) I haven't found a new one, and I refuse to just go to a hairdressers. Haircuts aren't the same unless you can sit in someones kitchen with a bottle of SEVINGYONG SAMILLION BLONC and bitch about your respective boyfriends or dumb cunts that you hate, or just plain idiots like that Anna girl with bangs who is a goth now or something.
So, after some 100 proof or whatever Southern Comfort (don't look at me, I was wearing stone wash shorts) I decided to cut my own hair. This went reasonably well. I just pulled my hair in two bunchs on the side and cut the dead bits off, and made it even since it had been uneven since Joshy and I had had a Scissor Fight at someones house at 6:30am about 6 months ago. This fight consisted of us attacking each others head with scissors trying to cut bits of hair off. I think I won.
I couldn't get to the back of my hair so I asked my brother to do it. Unfortunately he was preoccupied with a game of chess at the time and didn't really pay attention to my delightful fingers when they demonstrated exactly how much to cut off. Also I have curly hair and I didn't explain that that demonstration meant pull it straight. As such I now have the gayest hair cut in the entire world and I'm thinking about shaving my head. I don't really go much for grooming anyway and this is all just too.fucking.hard.com.
7 years ago
