DEDICATED TO CLARKE WELDON

clare wee heads favourite child actor... edward furlong. here is a token of her undying love.... (OBSESSION) she also wanted me to put a picture of furry porn, but ill keep it clean :)

Axe Gemmer

Dear Gemmer,

wat is wanking?

Love,

Stephanie Wanker

Well Stephanie,

When a person and a hand love each other very much they will often dim the lights, put down whichever Twilight book they are reading and make sweet, passionate love to each other.

When things begin to sour a prop, such as a hand towel coated in Vaseline or an electric toothbrush might get involved.

I hope this has been helpful to you.

Regards,

Gemmer

If you have a question for me send an email to axe_da_cod@hotmail.com

DAMES, BOOZE, CHAINS AND BOOTS

i went to tafe 2 and a half hours early because im a shit idiot, pretty sure i told some of my class buddys that "you totally lose weight when you die! you loose control of yr bodily functions! you know how cats buts are TOIGHT well they go the opposite of that. i know because once my mum brought home a sick bird and in the morning i found a trail of shit and then its dead body." winning friends?

(PS we were talking about svu it was BOUND to come up)

Hey Idiot:

Elize from Jacques Magazine on Vimeo.

Why don't you just eat a dick instead of that fucking icecream?

Love Clare xoxo

Story my mum just told me

A woman my mum used to work with went for office drinks recently. There is a wiry middle aged woman in her office who never talks to anyone and everyone hates her. She came along.

Officedudeswife: (something stupid)
Officedude: You don't know what you're talking about you wanker
Wiryweirdwoman: excuse me, you just called your wife a wanker
Officedude: yeah?
Wiryweirdwoman: only men wank. women don't wank
Officedude: okay
Wiryweirdwoman: can we please talk about wanking?
Everyone: no
Wiryweirdwoman: no, can we please talk about wanking?
Everyone: no
(this goes on for a while)
Everyone: fine, what do you want to say about it?
Wiryweirdwoman: I do it every day
Everyone: ???
Wiryweirdwoman: Like, as soon as I get home from work...everyday. sometimes I use two fingers but mostly I use four.

This was the first thing she had ever said to anyone.

Now everyone waves at her like this


If anyone has any questions about wanking (or related) please email me at axe_da_cod@hotmail.com

Girl Mafia

In the words of Kelis and Kate Chip - "You don't have to love me. You don't even have to like me. But you will respect me. You know why? Cus I'm a boss."

Cumming Of Age

When I turned 18 Clare was pretty much my only friend but she was still 17 so I went to the Leopold and hit on the only guy wearing Stove Pipes. He had pretty bad acne.

So anyway Warwick Capper was there and I definitely hugged him. might have kissed him on the lips.

When I stumbled through my parents front door at 4am I excitedly told my mum. She was super proud.

AXE DA COD

Dear Gemmer,

I dn who this is but your webpage is awesome http://images.google.com/imgres?imgurl=http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_MJ44QvsRaHk/Swu8-VbUBDI/AAAAAAAAAWs/4JKBRhZ9mpY/s1600/Tom-Delonge-Strat-large.jpg&imgrefurl=http://chroniclesofdardia.blogspot.com/2009/11/im-too-funny-it-isnt-fair.html&usg=__FCiNeHBsIxRuiGtFBS_LRd5o6lA=&h=1143&w=734&sz=75&hl=en&start=5&itbs=1&tbnid=KvgWPaKgmnEFFM:&tbnh=150&tbnw=96&prev=/images%3Fq%3Dtom%2Bdelonge%26hl%3Den%26gbv%3D2%26tbs%3Disch:1.

Everyone says I look like Adam Sandler, even when I went to South Korea, there were like three Asians on separate occasions like, r u Adam Sandler.
I love tom delonge, besides blink i absolutely love angels and airwaves, theyre definately my favorite band, thats how i found your website was by google image search tom delonge.
stan lee isnt one my favorites but i do love my name is earl and the movie dreamcatcher is pretty sweetg
But i just noticed how funny creed is in the office, and right now he is by far my favorite character, did you know he was actually in the grass roots in like the 60's?
anyways, if youre interested in me email me back
k peace!
-sonny

Dear Sonny,

Okai so firstly, I have a sneekin suspicion that Asians think we all look the same (racist). I'm pretty sure if I went to South Korea they would all be like "Kathy Griffin/Julia Gillard/Seth Rogen can I get your autograph??" when really I resemble more of an Amy Adams type character.

Secondly, you found COD by Google image searching Tom Delonge? Please tell me you are like 15. You only Google image search people you want to bone after the age of 18. It’s pretty much the law.

Thirdly, you're right Dreamcatcher is actually one of the best movies EVER MADE. But Stan Lee is pretty cool and so is My Name Is Earl but Jason Lee is a Scientologist and so is Kate Ceberano. I'm going to call my kid Aviation Detective.

I like the episode when Creed puts the ink from the printer in his hair to make himself look younger.

So finally, am I interested? Not especially.

Regards,

Jane Donut

If you have a question for Axe Gemmer send an email to axe_da_cod@hotmail.com

PICTURESQUE

watch this... its a short film by dali and disney. PRETTY NICE!

watch it: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GU_f2vqEgGM

"Nooooo..."

"...I'm for the face!"

I used to love these whiskers ads

Find more videos like this on AdGabber

I bought a bottle of foundation that looks like a vibrator

I want to go to there

SLANTED AND ENCHANTED

IM REAL GOOD AT MATH

1 set of indie boobs + dead animal = ART

from the shoot "death becomes her" for vice magazine

FINALLY ITS OVER

model making, what ive been losing my sanity too lately. long live scalpels, cut here.

BALLIN FO SOUP

winter is in full swing.. rain, gnarly storms, cable knits, log cabin log furniture, hot water bottles ETC. winter is a soup-er season! cuddly! kewt! it is freezing, but there is soup too warm yr wooly soul!

my favourite soup is any FRESH soup that has peas in it. operative word being fresh because pea soup from a can tastes rancid. BUT as i am a busy little winter wooly hibernating in my chair, at my desk, doing homework while wearing the finest cashmere sweaters in classic shades of camel and marone and the most nostalgic 90s-esque fingerless gloves, I DONUT HAFF THE TIME, to make the freshest soups. SO, i have compiled a review for you.

X= write that shit off

XX= so close to bad, why bother?

XXX= okay, possibly something to write home about

XXXX= something to write home about

XXXXX= BUY NOW, IZ GEWD

YOULL LOVE COLES SPRING VEGETABLE SOUP (packet, 4 serves) rating: X

this was the second most budget friendly soup option. but that is literally ALL this soup has going for it. it tastes like someone steamed some fresh, vegetables then used the delicious vegetables too serve too all their best friends. but YOU get the shitty water that the vegetables were bolied in, a sickly sour rabies ridden watery grosse thing. in conclusion, that is what i believe this soup to taste like. it tasted so ugly i didnt even finish my serve and proceeded to throw the rest in the bin. OUCH! this was by far the most unsatisfying soup i tried.

CONTINENTAL HEARTY SPANISH TOMATO (packet, 2 serves) rating: XXXX

delicious. this soup is really good, i used too eat it all the time and add grated cheese and fresh black pepper. it has noodles and a really nice tomato flavour, it says hearty and god damn it, IT IS! i donut buy it much anymore, only because as far as packet soups go its on the expensive side and only has TWO serves instead of the traditional 4.

BLACK & GOLD TOMATO SOUP (packet, 4 serves) rating: XXXXX

the best! tomato is a classic flavour and this soup does not dissapoint. it is not too thick, and not too watery. simple and effective. sweet yet tangy. also you can usually end up getting this on sale and its only 99c! amazing value for welfare money!!

CAMBELLS MUSHROOM AND CRACKED BLACK PEPPER (carton) rating: XXX

this soup, is okay. it has a nice flavour but the consistency combined with the creaminess of the mushroom is a little offputing. hmm yes. im giving it the 3X rating because the flavour IS good, but, having said that you can get the exzact SAME flavour from the soup below, at a better price, and in less weird packaging (carton, what?) the serving size is a meal size, but its simply not hearty enough on its own too be classified as a meal.

CONTINENTAL CREAM OF MUSHROOM (packet, serves) rating: XXXX

mushroom is hard to get right (as i mentioned above) but this one is very good. i usually put 2 serves in a bowl and add lots of pepper. MMM YEAH, SOUPY FINE. it has tiny buts of "mushroom" unexpected but you know what, im okay with it. EMBRACE.

KNORR REAL CHINESE SOUP, NIDO ORIENTAL STYLE (sachet, serves 4) rating: XXXXX

you need too add one egg to make this soup, and unlike the others you make it on the stove top. BUT having said that it only takes about 5 minutes too make and the results are awesome. i also add some corn kernels and its a sweet treat. it has that traditional chinese snot like consistency that you know, and love and a delicious and nutritious flavour. the only downside (in my mind) is i dont usually buy eggs so when i want to make this i have to make a point to pur-chase some. but its no biggie. HI FIVE!

THE END.

Hai Guyz

Recently got some new shoes, think I'm gonna return to dat whole "Kix Faze" I went through. NIKE ID I HEAR YOU CALLIN'!!

LATELY