Mi Frend Igur

I met Igor when I was 18 (6 years ago) but we have only been proper friends for two years because before that he was fat and had a bob, now we work together. When he was a child he escaped his third world homeland of Bosnia and jumped into Australia's multicultural melting pot.

When I got into work today I was in the shittiest mood, having had only three hours sleep after studying for 20 hours straight. However, all these bad feeling melted away when Igor presented me with an exercise book filled with his 12 year-old attempts at learning English as a second language.

This is his journey...



Whatever you do, don't swallow the fucking chocolate



This kind of reminds me of that Simpsons episode where Lisa organises Moe's retarded scrawling into poetry and he becomes a literary sensation.



Ah yes the short-lived distribution of Herbal Essences Shampoon collection, 1996 was a different time.

Also "I comb my hair with a comr"?? You've got to be shitting me, the answer was RIGHT THERE.



Great effort indeed, F fucking minus Igor.



In Bosnia local caretaker is horse.

Igor has sadly made little progress since 1996. At least he knows how to milk a yak and make a mean rock soup.

Igor

My buddy and future husband Igor IS AN ARTIST! He sent me a really pretty picture...

(Igor's muse)

I commissioned an Igor MS Paint original and I'm pretty happy with the result.

Fun facts about Iggy

• He loves it when I wear secret bike shorts under my dress and spontaneously show them to him throughout the day
• one time when I showed him my bike shorts he asked me if I was wearing a pad and I was all "ewww gross, who wears PADS??" and he said "wow, you have a fat mound"
• We shared passionate kissies at our work xmas party (it was beautiful)
• I wish he would come home from Berlin so that I can make him feel weird by touching him all the time and he can tell me all about his latest poor life decisions
  

AXE THE C.O.D

last night i saw my lovely friend igor, for the first time since he had just returned from a european wonderland. AKA. total tan, H&M wearing jerk.

anyhow, igor complained too me that he was, in fact, entering the "amber zone". this is a reference too his WAIT. in reality he is clearly in the "green zone" which means emanciatied (thats right, i coined that phrase) boy model, thin.

when i told him this, he complained (as he has in the past) that NO, NO, NO IM IN THE AMBER ZONE. ALERT! CAUTION!1111!!!1.

so i told him (as i have in the past) that he is incorrect and is actually in the "need to take a dump" zone.

really, i do give the most salient advice. less advice more vices!