Tangent on Clare's Post.

Weezy H Christ, I love singles ads. I mean the real, full on, bearing balls and wearing hearts on sleeves and junk. I used to write them for a living, which was actually one of the best jobs I've ever had, and also I think maybe the only job I've ever had which I didn't get fired from.


That's right, I was basically this guy.

I worked for a dating agency. A fairly non descript building in West Perth housed the office, meeting rooms and foyer where my job was to convince stupid men to pay me lots and lots and lots and lots of money so that I could match their postcodes to equally as stupid women and then they could go on dates. Sometimes I would actually take into consideration what kind of person they were looking for, but most often not. Postcodes. That was the secret. Everybody likes somebody that lives near them, right? So that if it all goes to plan, coffee turns into drinks turns into dinner turns into wild sex at a location that's convenient to your own abode.

My definite favourite part was writing the singles ads for our "Priority" customers, which means I convinced them to give me $5500 for a 'year long membership including advertisements, a personal consultant and first pick of any available ladayz'. (Suckers.) GSOH, CUD OK, VGSOH, ALA, DISC DTM, SSAWOB.

Bet none of you dicks know what the majority of those mean!

Love Gracey

P.S. Everybody go and pick up their local edition of the Community Newspaper Group. Ush delivered to your letterbox. They have the best singles ads in the history of the universe including "Herpes, 39, seeks same" and "Our eyes met at Bunnings Gosnells on Sunday. You = Red Sweatshirt. Me = Blue Jeans. I had the Ute that roared past you. Did you feel what I felt?"

P.P.S. I only just realised that I left my Lies and Hoes and Necro t-shirts on my washing line at Cowle St. Should I put together a covert ninja op where I reclaim them? Or leave them for the ages?

Proof Normal People Are Boring

Okay does anyone read The West Australian? Cool, me either. But I did today, and they're doing that hilarious WA'S HOTTEST 100 SINGLES! feature, except singles as in people who are single, not music trax. They have a picture of a hottie (laughing/enjoying life) and they ask the hottie for their deets, like age, occupation, star sign, interests, qualities they look for in a partner, who do they admire and where do they see themselves in 5 years. Plz go and read this shit. Wtf @ the picture next to the Hottest Singles being a blatant wet rack shot.

I swear all of them do some non-descript job in finance/advertising, they all admire their parents (literally, only two of them said something different in this part: Jamie Durie and Arnold Schwarzenegger, no jokes) and they look for partners with great smiles and GSOHs. Their interests are all hybrids of going to the beach/hanging out with 'mates'/playing sports/reading. It's all hecka posi!!! Love life!!

I can just imagine some 25 year old overtanned shit bitch looking through the hottie section and being all "Ohh, should I choose the one who likes going to the movies or the one who likes cars oooooo??! Whitney, what do you think?". The only good one was this dude who was totally obsessed with his dog but apart from that he was all rubz.

Jesus H Christ I am actually going to marry an orangutan when I grow up, at least they can't talk.

Love Clare xoxoxo
p.s. here is a glamour shot of me before a weekend out with the girls

hand in glove

at the moment life is very much reminiscent of an episode of 'round the twist'. you might know the episode im talking about, the main girl gets ultra keen on this cute new boy on at school who is so mysterious and hip that he is never seen without his black gloves (affectionately known as 'mittens') on.

much like me right now, never seen without my mittens on. except// my reason for the permenant hand in glove is a lot less heartwrenching and life changing. hes all " theyre nails and im a merman and you have too push me - the one you love off the jetty in a wheelchair so i can be with my mum cos shes a mermaid and we live in the sea".

im all "hi im nina, got myself a bad case of wind burn". reality - pish.



brought too you by pro cheddar, nina.

when i grow up

i want too be an infamous teen heart throb - just like cameron james stack! for a while there him and one of his dearest friends, abomb (aka. rash cough/aslan) were all over xpress and drum media much like buswell over a bikeseat.

this is cameron on friday night, no wonder hes in all the magazines..

blog out & lob out! brought too you by pro cheddar, nina.

Ooh Ee, Ooh Ahh Ahh, Zing Zang Walla Walla Bing Bang.

This is my friend Mick Zing. Some of you may know him.
While Zingerburger isn't quite at the dardy level as Cameron, he's pretty close. Here he is getting totally macked on. Take note of the expression. You should emulate this at all times as well.


Again, like Cameron (actually thinking about it, like urrbody good, EVER.) Zing enjoys a bit o' a tipple.


In fact, at the greatest party that this world has ever seen (ie. The year 12 Perth Modern After Ball) Zing ingested quite a number of beverages. And woke up here.



TO BE CONTINUED.

This is how much Cameron loves Chronicles of Dardia.

Miami Horror

Does anyone remember that night? It was really rad. Heaps of my friends made out!

P.S. I guess that night was way before indie was the hip new thing!