Dump That Chump

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POOR LIFE DECISIONS

BLINK 182 SLAM DANCING

BITCHES BE POOR, CANT AFFORD TO DRINK IN A POLITE ESTABLISHMENT, TAKIN TOO THE STREETS


(BATMAN & ROBIN)

OH, SNAP

Mini Bummers

• Realising how gay and twee you look in your floral onesie riding your pink Repco bicycle down Beaufort Street holding a pair of knitting needles and a glomesh purse you just bought from an old lady op shop near 10th Ave where you laughed so hard you couldn't breathe at (with?) the Italian Nonna in the shop who inquired as to whether "you wanta bigga bag as you driving da bicycle yes?"
• Going to Nina and Clare's house at 5:30pm on a Monday afternoon and them not being home so you borrow their bicycle pump cus your tire is a little flat and you can't work it for ages and have to sit on a step and smoke a (more like 3) cigarette in order to work it out, while wearing said floral onesie.
• Still haven't made this Meatcake yet -
• Realising no matter how hard you try to stretch you're still going to be only 1 and a half inches off the International Cutoff for being a midget
• Then realising that when you get older you actually shrink and knowing that if you are still friends with Jimmy Hats in 40 years you will never hear the end of it
  
• Your attempt at making ravioli fails so you just use the filling and lasagne sheets to make papardelle with smoked salmon, cream cheese, feta, spinach, capers, and cherry tomatoes and then eat the entire pot of said pasta (only takes you 2 goes by the way)
• The look on peoples faces when you tell them you have never seen any of the original Star Wars movies and then a friend not speaking to you for 2 weeks after you confess (Hi Richard!!)
• You have an iPhone for 2 days and then something fucks up and it's back to your Nokia that's old enough to be shit but not old enough to be cool like a pager (LOL HOW OBSOLETE) because God doesn't let you have nice things

Embrace the Mini Bummers of life! It's heaps easier to focus on them than to make mountains out of molehills about your REAL problems.

Douglas Hall Norton Rose Australia

Quotes from this guy:

"HEY I MAKE $500 AN HOUR!"
"QUIT WITH THE LAWYER TALK, I'M A LAWYER I MAKE $500 AN HOUR!"
"HEY SINCE YOU GUYS RENTED MY HOUSE CAN YOU PAY FOR ME TO RE-LANDSCAPE MY GARDEN?"
"DID YOU KNOW I MAKE $500 AN HOUR!!? I'M A LAWYER"



Hey Douglas Hall, you still owe us $26.50 in court fees. I worked out that if you worked for 1 hour, you would still have $473.50 left after paying us for wasting our fucking time (think you make $500 an hour, but not sure).

DOUGLAS HALL

DOUGLAS HALL DOUGLAS HALL!!!

p.s. - I'm not a lawyer (i think you might be?? not sure) but maybe next time you go to court have cool things like "any scrap of evidence whatsoever" or "any legal document at all", and then you might win!!

Can't Sleep, Too Excited

Tomorrow and Thursday my 12 year old sister will be sitting the NAPLAN. Basically
I have been waiting two years for this.

If you don't watch the news NAPLAN is a numeracy and literacy test sat by years 3, 5, 7 and 9 and the individual results are compared to all other tests state wide.

It used to be called the Wellners.

My sister did so poorly in year five that it has been an ongoing joke within my family for two years.

For example

• When watching Are You Smarter Than a Fifth Grader? she answers every question wrong and is met with "was that on the Wellners?". Note: according to 2008 NAPLAN she is only smarter than approximately 50% of WA's fifth graders
• My mum, brother and I waited for her at the end of her 100m sprint at the sports carnival and she is met with "was running on the Wellners?"
• When playing Junior Trivial Pursuit every time it is her turn to answer a question we pretend it is "what colour is a fire engine?" until she actually gets one that says "what colour is celery?" and she gets it wrong...

WAS THAT ON THE WELLNERS???

Obsessed With Gay Rappers