- get a fucking Prius
- master the art of the french roll (via youtubes)
- vaginoplasty (I have an "outie" *sad face*)
- get a manstress who looks like Zach Galifianakis (or is actually Zach Galifianakis)
- purchase a Birkin and a Murkin (online)
- a lady at work kept trying to tell me that the Pandora factories* in Thailand are a really great place to work, complete with an awesome staff room, gym and great pay! Yeah, sweatshops these days are Kewl! So I want to do a documentary on the Pandora factories*. As if anyone other than 5 year olds on a diet of rice and poowater could create the worst jewellery on earth (they have toe rings).
- invest in Arnotts (BBQ shapes are a money melon, I had them for breakfast yesterday)
- Get a plumber to fix my taps so I stop having to boil water on the stove every time I want to wash my dishes
- finally I can afford to buy triple spanx, one just ain't cutting it
- get regular professional bikini waxes (waxing your own vj is HARD)
- go to the doctor when i have a chest infection for 3 weeks instead of doing shots of colloidal silver and making my mum buy me steak (hul anaemic).
- I will no longer feel sorry for shop assistants (because I won't be one) and can yell at them (guilt free)
- have three bastard children and name them after characters from the Vampire Academy books (hai Rosemary, Lissa and Dimitri!)
- dump said kids at PLC and Christ Church boarding schools
- Go on Heston's Feast along with Peter Andre, Atomic Kitten and The Sugababes
- Move from the cask to the bottle (a longtime dream)
Or alternatively I could take advantage of some sweet nepotism and get a government job, get depression, then live out a modern day version of Valley of the Dolls.
KEWL, TEVS, NOT FUSSY.
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