BABYS RAPPED IN TOWELS

for a minute there i thought i wrote "babys raped in towels" but for the record i bean tiny humans (babys) rapping (poetry you say out loud).

thats right, im cute, i think an impromptu rap battle is "freelance rap" and that rapping is "poetry spoken aloud". fuck you.

anyway today i was cleaning my room and i found the babyrap i wrote the night baby raps was launched (see previous posts) i was real excited, probably high on coffee and i wrote one, giddy at the chance of interacting/contributing/creating with some of perth's most notorious perthonalities. haha. HI!

yr baby stinks like corn poop.*

my babys popping ill hoops.

yr babys lobbing, air fisting too M.I.A.

my baby slam dances so rad he should be in taking back sunday.

yr babys got a ticket too good vibes.

my babys chillin, whippin cars with his ghost ride.

THE END!

*if you dont know me, you think im crazy, crazy girl who loves talking about poo and butt sickness. I BLAME ALEXI. and i mean that in a good way. anyway babys poo, ITS APPROPRIATE. babys dont poo on command. super spontaneous, uncontrollable, tornado. of poo.

We're all going to get pregnant!!!

We are closer than ever to a male contraceptive pill which means that we are all closer to getting pregnant.

I'm sorry if this seems like feminist jingoism but men cannot be trusted, especially when fucking is involved. By the time the male pill is released I'll most likely be past my prime and will neither have to deal with men lying and saying they're on the pill or my friends whinging that some lying dirtbag got them pregnant, thank fuck.

Women in the past (and probs present) have pretended to be on the pill to get pregnant and lock a man down. But that doesn't really work anymore since practically every kid these days is the product of a fling or one night stand. It is totally cool for dudes to get ladies preggers and not marry them.

But if a guy pretended to be on the pill to lock a girl down then it might be different. Having a baby requires a lot of time not working and a fuck load of money so a ladee might be more inclined to ruin her life (aka get married) if some dude gets her preggs. I'm sure if any of our male readers have gotten this far into the post they are all like "men aren't like that" but there are loads of crazy, creepy, sensitive guys who want nothing more than to trap a girl in their depressing and mediocre lives.

So in conclusion I think less time should be spent on the male contraceptive pill and more on getting us this fabulous abortion pill I've been hearing all about.

Love from Doney

xoxo

art bitch

from the title of this blog you are already getting connotations of super fierce (thanks clare) art, possibly menstural blood paintings or perhaps an installation of a toilet with a morning after poo in it (M.A.P)

well no. thats not what this post is about. although all of the above are kind of disgusting, maybe even a little.. dare i say CRAZY (woah!) they are above all imaginitive and at least displaying some sense of originality (and possible themes of body outputs)

unlike some other "art". so one of my lovely housemates has this horrible, most unfortunate canvas with a (blank) flower painted on it. while i maintain that the painter (someone we know) has obvious technical skills and knows about light and colour it dosnt redeem the fact that it is still fucking ugly and has too reside above the kitchen door opposite my room.

i tried being fair "well if you have too keep it out of obbligation i sympathise but why dont we at least hide it behind something? so that way when im walking out of my room intoo the kitchen, this is the obvious place i would go for many varities of cheese are kept here, im not thinking about how much i want too fist yr canvas and rape it with a knife or fire?"

anyway said housemate wouldnt budge "but it was a present" sorry babe that really dosnt cut it for me. once my grandma got me and my sister matching raincoats with ILOVENZ and sheeps all over it. the punchline is she ripped the exzact same raincoat out of her pocket and was all "now we can ALL match!!" you think i brought intoo that? NO. sure i kept it a few days before i sent it off too the salvos but i did the right thing y'know? kids are out there sheltering under cardboard boxes and im throwing out a rain sheltering coat, BAM! im paying it foward.

anyway im sure i could enrich some persons life (possibly blind person) with this terriffic treat of free painting offering.

sometimes i think its dumb really, i know who would frikken love this painting!! middle aged woman!!!! they also love photography but only of hands.

NOTE: the hands have too be babys hands, black dudes hands or wrinkly hands.

in the words of css "suck my art hole" because i only want too surround myself with "visually stimulating" aka. rad things. what is rad too me may not be rad too you and im willing too accept this.

PS: did you know babies PREFER too look at attractive people?? apparantly if you are attractive they will look at you longer than theyd look at an ugly person. there should be a new term for dardys, babystare.

YRS SINCERLY, (NME)

Baby Pictures

I really like looking at pictures of my friends when they were babies. Not actually babies, because all babies look like bald men, but around the 3 to 12 mark. Everyone is ugly and embarrassing from the ages 13-15, NO EXCEPTIONS. I have seen no exceptions to that rule.

If you ever get to see Andrew Murray's baby pix, feat. bowl haircut and the sweaters his mom made him, you are one lucky guy.

I looked like this:


Feat. Bangs that mom cut, go up at the sides Danzig style, and my crush, Ross, in the background. He lived across the street from us in Louisiana, we totally had pet tadpoles in the creek near our house together (named Chip and Dale, if you were wondering).

Why do all moms insist on cutting their girl's hair like this? I had a retarded fringe from the moment I grew hair to the moment I grew out my bangs in Year 4. How hard is it to cut in a straight line? My mom's a total bitch.


Feat. grown out bangs, my best friends in year 4 who I don't talk to anymore because one day we all ran away from my parents' house and then we got banned from being friends.

Love Clare xoxoxo

p.s. - I predict the hot new thing this summer will not be getting drunk and breaking into apartment complexes' pools (soooo last summer) but inviting people over to your parents' inevitably air-conditioned house and looking through photo albums. fInGeRs cRoSSeD !!