Monday, September 28, 2009

Hip.. stir?

After numerous drive by insults while riding my bike and my recent trip to Melbourne I've decided to answer the question "What is a hipster.. and more importantly, am I one?" once and for all. I've done hours of research on such popular social networking sites as Facebook and Twitter, and this is what some of what I have come up with.

I phrased the question PLS REPLY AND TELL ME WOT U FINK A HIPSTER IZ? on Twitter and the answers included;

spaks@sexykits jordan kirks is a hipster

Neekatron@sexykits a hipster is an ancient japanese mating ritual involving an empty sheep

Geekbeat@sexykits you're a hipster

spaks@sexykits dats hipsta

Thanks for your help guys.

On Facebook I asked "What is a hipster anyway?" and the replies included some girl posting me the wikipedia definition (More on that later) and these;

Geoffrey Power-King

So, that is two votes for me being a hipster from Twitter AND Facebook. Fuck. Am I one? Most of the ever popular hipster bingos I had already seen are generally New York or London based and really don't apply to a young woman in Perth these days so I feel if I use them for comparison I might be shortchanging it, or myself. Then I checked Aslan's favourite blog (apart from ours) and found one that I thought might be suitable, if Carles didn't take such a heavy irony bath the night before.

My score is looking something like this.

I used to be a party photographer just for free shit, I love Jeremy Scott, in 2007 I real liked to wear Supre text shirts for funs, I own 1 pair of real Wayfarers and 3 pairs of knockoffs (I've now moved onto the Clubmasters), I wear leggings 3 times a week, 2007 was also the year of neon for me, I am friends with tonnes of gheys, I guess James counts as a keut azn, now that I actually have tits I real like to get them out, and I have heaps of alt bros.

Urban Dictionary has a phenomenal amount of entries for the word hipster. I think this one is my favourite.

9. hipster 378 up, 70 down love it hate it

A "hipster" is what "hipsters" call other "hipsters" to detract attention away from their own "hipsterness." A "hipster" was once the word du jour for cool and hip people, but now that its uncool and unhip to be hip and cool, it's what unhip and uncool hip cool people call other hip cool people so that we might not be confused with hip cool people. Cause that would be unhip. Dig?

From all my research the only thing that I have gathered is that the definition of a hipster is a person who would be terribly offended if they were in fact, called a hipster.
So to all you fucks that lean out of your 80s Corollas and scream at me, go ahead. I'm rubber and you're glue and everything you say bounces off me and sticks to you.

Tuesday, September 22, 2009

The other GG

Cool shit should happen more often.

Thursday, September 17, 2009

iPhone Melburn

Jimmy Hats from toetags and I went on a little jaunt to Melbourne last week. A few days before I was due to leave one of my younger brothers perpetually slightly overweight bourbon-stickyed hands friend's digits got a little bit stickier due to them teeving my camera, so I was forced to take the iPhone that I am slightly scared of interstate just to take pictures while I kept drunkenly msging and calling people on my Nokia that is older than a seedy electro DJ. As such I'm not even entirely sure of the content of some of these pictures but they include my friend Karli trying to call the cheeseburger factory, my friend Cinti's house, me wearing real big pants, some crotches and a whole lot of the pokies, I think. I kept forgetting I had it and the blessed thing died 4 days into the trip.

Favourite other things that happened included skate premier at Radio, giving a junkie a free slushie, seeing a procession of downers, Eggs Benedict, a taxi driver telling me that I am definitely okay when Tribulation comes because Jesus told him directly in his head that anyone that got into his cab and had slightly Christian morals that he prayed for would be saved, graffiti in the toilets of Footscray train station, anything Karli did, most things Brass did, living in a hotel for a week, rescuing Jimmy Hats from police, room service, being bloganized in a diff state and Madame Brussells.

Wednesday, September 16, 2009

You Like Butts

"That 8 year old transgender dude is boneable" - Ryan Boserio. He also has a new website.

All this is true, y'all

For a year and a half I worked in a job that I was contractually obligated not to talk about but since it has been half a year since I was made redundant I think that now is the perfect time to talk about my ridiculous life as a chat room moderator. I would sit on my butt in an office for around 24 hours every week and make sure that pedophiles didn’t try to meet girls in alleyways and that these sickos didn’t try to meet up for suckysucky. I read some pretty sick shit and I definitely think I was less vulgar and detached before working there.

It was hard due to the weird hours (I worked from 3am until 9.30am on my 21st birthday) and my inability to not fall asleep at every shift. When I told people about my job they thought it was so exciting, and for the first week it was but after that, websex got totally boring and I’m the DEFINITION of red blooded female. And I love gay porn.

When I was having dinner at a hotel in Singapore with my family and some friends my mum asked me a little tipsily “what’s the worst thing you’ve seen on the chat rooms?” to which I replied “well that depends” “on what?” “on what you think is worse, child molestation or bestiality, my personal belief is child molestation”. And then silence.

It had ceased to shock me. I found out a 17 year old girl had agreed to meet up with a guy on the chat room in an alleyway. At night. She got raped and my response was “that dumb bitch!” because I spent my life trying to get these pervturds away from these girls but they were determined to defy me. And nobody defies me.

So that you can get an idea of what I had to deal with here is a conversation between two people on said chat rooms. The names have been change to avoid me getting sued.

P: waiting for K
P: hi
P: I live in cabarroguis
K: sorry I cause I am busytalking with my mother president
P: ok
K: my mother president wants to know if you are the owner of yahoo
K: he also wants to kill liars and wants to prison it
K: bbut I never say that you are a liar
P: ok
K: my mother told me that she gets fucked so hard
P: did u
K: nope my mother only
K: she get so fucked earlier
P: by who
K: her bodyguard
K: but its been interrupted cause she get caught by my father the first gentlemen
P: what about your dad/
K: my dad gets angry Babe cause he caught my mother sucking the cock of her body guard
P: have you been fuck before
K: yes but not my bodyguard
P: who then
K: before we have fucked by matt daemon
K: he fucks me so hard
P: who is matt daemon
K: and I swallow his cock so deep
K: he is a popular Hollywood actor
P: I’m famous I play with the ros in soccer
K: he is the satarring if the movie black hawk
P: can I fuck you
K: sure
P: so hardly
K: yes babe
K: you have any messenger?
P: yes
K: what is it babe?
P: I want to lick your pussy and fuck you
K: what is your messenger id?
P: do you like me
K: cause I will add you
K: usually I am the owner of msn
P: Im going to kill matt daemon
K: actually I am the owner of msn
K: why will you kill him?
P: im going to kill matt daemon
K: why babe?
P: because you suck his cock
K: can I help you to kill him? I want to shoot him with my magnum
K: are you jealy with matt daemon
P: I live in cabarroguis
P: I’m going to kill him right now
P: nobody could stopme
K: go on babe
K: so sad I cant be with you to kill him
P: I thought u were straight
K: I suck his cock and swallow his egg
K: but it tastes salty
P: Im going to kill you too
K: why will you kill me?
K: is your salty too?
P: you swallow his egg
K: is your cock salty too?
K: yes
K: I swallow his egg
P: I’m going to kill your family
K: you cannot do that
P: yes I can
K: I am the daughter of the president
K: and we have securities here
K: e have many soldiers
P: I’m the famous person in the world
P: I have a lot o guns
K: why I didn’t know you?
P: you mess with the wrong guy
K: if you are popular?
K: I will kill you now
K: I detected where you stay
P: fuck you
K: you have been traced by my mafias
P: u beem traced my latinkings bitch
P: gangs
K: I dont care
K: sadam husien is my friend
P: better stay alarmed because on the nught I’m going to f u
P: hoe
P: sadam husien sucked my cock all day and swallowed ,y eeg
K: I can assassinate you
P: do iit
P: u are finr
P: fine
P: u r hot
P: b etter stay quiet bitch
K: I don’t care
P: fuck you hoe slud bitch putoa\
P: @) d
P: ;( u r going to br like him

And then (P) reported (K) to us, they were both subsequently banned.

Love can take such peculiar turns

Monday, September 14, 2009

"How are people getting to COD" you axe?

By Googling singapore girl like sucking cock of course.

Being the first thing that comes up when you type in sucking cock guide is something a young girl-blogger often dreams of but for that dream to be realised is something of wonderous fiction.

Saturday, September 12, 2009


when i grow up i donut want too be in jerk town. im really not a jerk but i think i could probably work on being a bit more "demure". 
i am pretty hilarious when im wasted and un demure though, i think thered be alot of backlash and uproar if i started tip toeing around like a swan too give the allusion of "floating" instead of crawling, barfing, bruising up my legs etc. etc.

HMMM... okay ill try too work on my posture for now. and maybe saying the f-word less. but its so great for emphasis i think im going too lament the lack of edge in my boring day too day language. 



Friday, September 11, 2009

Nice Dreams

I had a dream the other night that one of my friend's brothers was bragging about high school and I got so jealous that I drove my car to Melbourne and illegally enrolled in high school. It was rad until the police started questioning me.

Someone tried to sell me a packet of chips.

Monday, September 7, 2009

Myths of Perth #3

*Sand Gropers from the Golden Triangle are better than everyone else.

Answer #1 - Not true. I live in West Leederville.

Answer #2 - Have you ever talked to any of those tarts/biffs? I do on a weekly basis via Shape. I'm surprised they know how to leave Claremont. I thank my lucky stars every day that Gemmer and Clarke escaped from such evil clutches and I dream about a world where they didn't and I could go to Club Bay View and meet them and they wouldn't know anything about anything past Thomas Street and I could teach them things. One time I paid $8 for a milkshake in Claremont.

Sunday, September 6, 2009

Street Smartz

Last night I got into my car and started driving to Lily, Nick and Pelsey's house when I realised I had a flat tyre.

It took me quite a while to notice because I was listening to Blink 182 really loud.

Pels and Lily came to pick me up. It was at this point that I locked my keys in my car with the engine, heater and inside light on.

It only took the RAC 20 minutes or so to get there.

Thursday, September 3, 2009


so.... ive applied too study fulltime next YEAH!
let it be known that 2010 is the year of no more half stepping.

now, (rejoice).

Tuesday, September 1, 2009


FYI If you go into a shop and someone working there says "I just LOVE your bag/shoes/jeans!" they are LYING. Anyone who has worked in fashion retail for more than 5 minutes knows that saying you like someone's fucking bore-oton handbag is just a way of "breaking the ice" and "increasing customer confidence" so they will "buy heaps of stuff from you".

Today while fucking around at my job, aka not doing my job, aka wandering aimlessly in chain stores until it's time for me to sign out is my job, I had two different girls in this shop "CITE" pull the exact same routine on me, 2 minutes apart. It went:

Girl 1 & 2: Hi!
Me: Uh hi.
Girl 1 & 2: I just LOVE your jeans.
Me: Uh thanks.
Girl 1 & 2: They look really good.
Me:....oh god.
Girl 1 & 2: So did you wanna buy heaps of stuff?

I just felt like shoving my work badge at them and being all I KNOW, THIS IS EMBARRASSING FOR ME AND FOR YOU. Now I think something is wrong with my jeans, cause whenever I've done the ol' compliment/buy shit routine, I choose something I really hate about that person's outfit, just to practise my lying skills (the most important thing I own). I don't bother complimenting anyone anymore, I just make up my sales figures. I love lying.

In conclusion, TRUST NO-ONE.

Love Clare xoxo