Gouche Tennis is a game I invented. You need:

A lanyard (Clare's fave)

With some keys attached
And a skinny dude who stands with his legs quite far apart.
Once you have assembled these things stand behind the skinny dude when they are distracted (perhaps standing at the computer) with the lanyard an aim at the area between the balls and the anus (the gouche)...
and swing the lanyard as close to that area as you can get.
And remember PRACTICE MAKES PERFECT.
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