Thursday, October 21, 2010

Amateur comedians are worse than fashion bloggers

On Tuesday night some besties and I got a goon bag, took it to Viet Hoa and then got really mad at the amateur comedy night at the Brisbane ("Lazy Susans"). Beck, Rachael (of 2-hole Ronit fame) and I made an awesome fan shirt for Beck's borefriend who was booked to stand in a room full of awkward silences later that night.

Now he told us that people didn't heckle there but I thought he was kidding because he is a "comedian". We were pretty drunk. For the most part the comedy was worse than if Good News Week had a baby with the 7pm Project and had Fifi Box as a guest. Shudder.

So anyway, Rach did such a good heckle that I came dangerously close to weeing my pants (which in retrospect would have been a really bad idea since I stayed at Rachael's for 3 days straight without a change of undies).

Some loser made a really bad 9/11 joke and Rach yelled "TOO SOON". Absentee bestie Laura "cool as a cucumber" Cassie and I did the best 9/11 joke ever for Halloween in 2008 so I consider myself an expert on the subject.


Then he made a really bad joke along the lines of "if the Anzacs had good biscuits then maybe they would have won" and rach yelled "TOO SOON". It might have been a 'you had to have been there drinking wine out of a Mount Franklin bottle'. Whatever, it was the funniest thing to happen to me since I put a lace shawl and a top hat on my head and said to me boss "this is what I am going to wear to your funeral when you die of AIDS".

I did a less good heckle. Some comedian put all his eggs in one basket and pretty much only bitched about girls faking orgasms and for some reason it really annoyed me so I yelled "ITS BECAUSE YOU'RE NOT ANY GOOD" and then he made out like he hadn't understood me (bad heckle reaction form man, almost as bad as if he freaked out and called me a "cunt") then he was all like "oh was that the girl with the obnoxious laugh?" to which I replied "booyah!"

I vaguely remember Beck's borefriend getting weird and someone "SHUSHHING" us, but as someone with slight journalistic aspirations I ignored all attempts of censorship.

Then at the intermission one of the organisers tried to passive aggressively tell us off ("oh no man, I thought you guys were funny") and then he told us about his fake girlfriend who is in the Melbourne comedy festival and isn't real. He also implied that I was "laughing too loud" (at a comedy night??? THE AUDACITY!). Apparently my laugh has a "mocking" tone.

So Rach and I left, drank a Cointreu and then tried to break into an Op shop donation bin using our house and car keys.

In conclusion "Lazy Susans" should stop star-fishing like a cheap prostitute. Otherwise they can eat my poo while sitting on a knife.

I gladly give it an "oh no you didn't" and a "Di Johng" (it's Chinese for "oh brother!").


Queefer Sutherland said...

"It's a safe place!"

Brad Baines said...

I thought this Fawcett fella was dating my friend right up until the point when my friend send 'please meet m [whatever]' and he (obvs not him) turned around and then I was all like WUT. True story.

Jane Donut said...

I thought this Fawcett fella was a raging homo until he started dating my friend. True Story.

Yeah, Right. said...


Annik said...

this is the greatest thing you have ever written