HEY MY PET MONSTER

FINGERS CROSSED

important interview tomorrow morning! in another state!

bye clare, gemma and gracey i will see you guys in a week. may eat heaps of dumplings for you. and $2 beers. wooo

HAI CLARKE WELDON

NOT LONG NOW

GETTING UP

getting up in the morning can be enhanced/improved by implementing the following


rick astley - never gonna give you up. an upbeat melody that is sure too get you in a fist pumping mood. its always sunny in philadelphia style.


473 ml red bull. a unique measurement for an XXXL beverage. if you cant be bothered making coffee this gives similar effects. lecturers and peers may judge you for your intense sugar/caffeine intake but just dust that off. if you need to be an active student yet living on prison issue food you just do what you gotta.

ALMOST SCHOOL HOLIDAYS! rejoice!

What is it about Michael Douglas?

If I'm bummed this fixes everything.

FREAKS AND GEEKS

"our bodys are meerly a shell which conceal our heavenly souls"

Food Logic

Tonight I had to choose between Thai and Vietnamese restaurants for dinner. So I implemented some serious food logic.

Apartment Update

Before



After



Suck it up everyone who said I would kill them.


Also for about a week a birdie called Larry moved into my stove vent. He would wake me up every morning at 6.30am and we would hang out while I drank up and go. Now he's gone. I hope he didn't fly into a power line.







HAI BUDDY

Sorry for being real twee but these are the best things to happen in my apartment since that week where I had breakfast for dinner every night.

LOCK DOWN

under house arrest. see you on the other side!

ALTER EGO

when i get drunk, i sometimes take on the role of my alter ego. just like that dudebag "walter meego" (i swear thats not his real name but forever IS a catchy tune)

anyways i usually have a pretty cool time. but i feel like i need too ex my alter ego because it might be holding me back from having a normal time.

things the alter ego does..

damn i was going too write a list but all i can think of is someone asking me "d'ya wanna go home?" and me with my back pack on, hands on my hips "to be honest i just wanna stay here and get fucked" i think i probably fell over not long after i said this. so embawassing.

high fives.

Why I Look At Gay Blogs

Because sometimes people say really funny things, without realising it!

"I’ve wanted to say this for a while… To anyone who thinks it’s cool to buy ouija boards and fuck around with witchcraft/spells, I strongly advise anyone not to do it if you don’t fully understand it or have no idea what you’re getting yourself into if you don’t do it correctly. This being a very secret hobby of mine since I was 12, looking around at people attempting to do witchcraft really makes me cringe. This isn’t a type of “trend” to screw around with. Take it from me and the ones who have been into this sort of stuff for 8 years. I have never felt the need to boast about liking this sort of thing, it’s not meant for that."

- Some 14 year-old-girl

"Though a few different tattoo ideas had always floated around my head, a heart was something that always remained. I wanted something simple for my first time so I could get used to the idea, so I went with the symbol that represents the way I conduct my life. The tattoo reminds me of my favourite quote from Paulo Coelho’s The Alchemist, “wherever your heart is, there lies your treasure.” A friend also told me that a heart pointing away from you represents having an open heart, which I would like to think is very true of myself."

- Another 14 year-old-girl

"I thought I would take this opportunity to say I despise the term 'cool kids.' It implies a sense of negativity towards expression and individuality. Yeah we're into fashion, what the F is it to you? The way I see it is you can hardly stand up on your high horse wearing olive green crocs and a ratty old Telstra sports cap now can you?"

- Another 14 year-old-girl

I don't know why I live for this shit, but I just do. Other people are so WEIRD!
Love Clare xoxo

DREAMSSS

I have been going to bed at 10pm every night and it's awesome, I'm super perky at 6.30am instead of whenever I finish my triple shot coffee. The only downside is that I have been having some scary lucid dreams.

I know telling people about your dreams is worse than telling a snory while showing someone slides from your holiday so I wont go into details, I'll just say they involve dinosaurs trying to get into my apartment.

On Friday night my brother called me at 12.30am to try to get me to pick up his friends and take them to the Avenue (SIF!) and I almost didn't answer because I thought I was still trapped in my dream and for some reason thought it was dangerous to answer a phone while trapped in a dream (in the same league as waking someone while they are sleepwalking, I guess).

I even got up several times during the night to make sure there were no velociraptors outside my door. The light outside my apartment was also flickering (OH GOD THE ELECTRIC FENCES ARE DOWN THE BACKUP GENERATOR IS NOT WORKING NEED TO GET OFF THE FENCE).



What does this mean?

Dinosaur

To see a dinosaur in your dream, symbolizes an outdated attitude. You may need to discard your old ways of thinking and habits.

I'm the most progressive person I know, I think that all the homos of Asia and the Middle East should come here, get married and adopt bogan babies (my proposal to end the bogan name epidemic NO MORE TANISHAS/SHANTEELS/DWANES).

To dream that you are being chased by a dinosaur, indicates your fears of no longer being needed or useful. Alternatively, being chased by a dinosaur, may reflect old issues that are still coming back to haunt you.

I have never been useful. Ever.

BFFASPOT

BFFASPOT's are an addiction for me, that I am trying to cure myself of desperately. They are unhealthy, only fun at the start and inevitably end up with my long term friends laughing at me fondly with a tinge of exasperation whilst saying things like "When are you going to fall for me Gracey? When is steady ol' Clare going to be good enough?".
So what is exactly is a BFFASPOT? Well apart from being a really catchy acronym that I am sure Cosmo and Cleo will be beating down my door shortly in order to make it the new 'frienemy', it means a Best Friend For A Short Period Of Time.
I'm more predictable in my predilection for a certain type of girls as BFFASPOT's than in my very very predictable predilection for boyfriends (Helloooooooooo Tagger Drawl!). I like them attractive, crazy, fun, jealous, and ready to fuck me/my friends over at the drop of a vintage hat, after which I have to break up with them which is harder than breaking up with a BF. You can't cry with these girls. You can't divvy up the bars you frequent, cus there are only 3 bars in Perth. You can expect to become obsessed with the shitty things that they have done, which I guess isn't that unlike a romantic breakup. You can also expect to have the negative breakup feelings like "Why me? How do I attract these people? Is there something wrong with me? Am I in fact, doing it wrong?" but it's more than likely not you if you're the fuck-overee. Just remember that anyone that steals is a dickhead and 50% of girls are fucked in the brain.


Review;

• BFFASPOTs can be expected to last anywhere between 2 weeks to 3 months.
• Look out for the girl other than you that's shooting tequila upside down at 4am. She's a prospect.
• A+++ at the start, quickly dwindle when things start to go missing out of your room and your friends are being a bit weird because they've "heard things".
• Can often disappear with Devendrah Banhart to India aka Vic Park/obscurity
• I give them 2 stars for the shooting of tequila at 4am.
  

Jokes that are always funny

1. When you are in the city and walking past "The Face Shop" start to say something to your companion like "...yeah so I've got to go the bank, it's cool if you want to stop here and pick up a new one, you know, cause your face is busted an' all. We can meet later".

2. When someone is showing you an electronic device, you ask "is this a touch screen?" and mash your fingers all over it.

3. When your friends who are girls finish "getting ready" to go out, you say "OK cool, well do you wanna do your make-up, maybe fix your hair then we'll go?"

4. The "that's your boyfriend" game is always funny, as long as you change it up a bit as in, "You know I was thinking the other day how perfect you and your boyfriend over there look together, I can't believe you've been dating for 3 years" (pointing to dude with balls falling out of his shorts, basically).

I can't think of any other always funny jokes b/c I'm sad :(.
Love Clare xoxo