I miss you Nina!

IMPORTANT THINGS

BOYS KEEP SWINGING

stuff ive been doing lately (for school). furthering my brain etc.

Barfday

It is my 24th barfday in a couple weeks and I FINALLY know what I want to do! The idea came to me when my boss told me this story:

His friend (or cousin?) went to a party (or rave?) where there was a kissing booth. She noticed that the guy offering kissies was a raging hottie so she plucked up some courage and finally went to collect her "prize". When she got there however there was a new guy, her hottie was nowhere to be found! She was very distraught until she saw him standing across the room, dude was off duty! She excitedly ran up to him and rambled something like "I SAW YOU AT THE BOOTH AND I WENT TO GET A KISS BUT YOU WERE GONE!" to which he replied "Well, I do freelance work..."

And they made out allll niiiight loooong.



(Photo by: someone famous (probably from Brooklyn))

So basically what I want to do is set up a kissie booth where all my friends line up, gift me a present and then plant one on me. "Tongue or no tongue?" I hear you say...SURPRISE ME!

Failing that, we can just do this

SEXY KITS

these are my thermal pyjamas. usually they have food stains on them because, seeing as i barely leave the house once i get home, i tend to spend alot of time in them (even meal time).

i brought them from an opshop in perth, in anticipation of my move to a city that isnt perth and therefore has cold wind and shit. a local told me a story about how, one sunny day, they went to the beach, but by the time they got there it was freezing and raining so they didnt even bother going in the water (half stepper). thats how far away the large bodys of water are from me. AGES.

the pants are definitely a classic.

it really gets me going to think about the other derranged freaks who have probably jerked off in them, using the "fap hole" for convenience.

For Clarke who loves N. Cage

Nicolas Cage as everyone.

A collection of racist funnies on the internet

I just realised that I have been stockpiling racist pics from the Internet. Whoops.

Hey it is my barfday in 3 weeks

WANTED

WANTED: FRIEND/S.

MUST BE ABLE TO PUT UP WITH BEING BURNT ON THE REGS. MUST THINK ITS FUNNY WHEN I SCREAM 'YOU JUST GOT BONED BITCH' AND PRETEND SHOOT THEM WITH MY HAND WHEN THEY SAY SOMETHING STUPID.

MUST SHARE INTERESTS IN ACCEPTABLE VISION RELATED ACTIVITIES IE. ITS ALWAYS SUNNY IN PHILADELPHIA or EAST BOUND AND DOWN or SUPERJAIL.

MUST HARBOUR EROTIC FEELINGS FOR FLAVOURED MILK BEVERAGES.

MUST KNOW "WHATS UP" AND NOT BE A NEGATIVE NANCYE/DRAMA DREW/DEBBIE DOWNER.

MUST HAVE TASTE BUDS THAT CRAVE TO BE CARESSED BY THE AWESOMEST FOODS AVAILABLE. SOMETIMES CHEAP, SOMETIMES NOT.

MUST KNOW MANY IMPORTANT BOOK/FILM THINGS SO I MAY ABSORB KNOWLEDGE LIKE ONLY THE CUTEST SPONGE.

MUST BE DTF (DOWN TO FUN PEOPLE)

hey everyone,

whats up?

MISSIN JEW GUISE SHALLOT.

CAPE FEAR

fear is a funny thing. irrational fear is even more so.

one of the first irrational fears i recollect as a "young adult"- post bald eagle adolescent days, was, i feel, partly gemma and clares fault. mostly gemma's though cause she is the absolute QUEEN or irrational fears, pipe dreams etc.

anyways it began in a small bathroom located in g&c's old place on the corner of william and walcott. on the wall was a "dont push to thard" tag or something similar.

on the floor was a "vice guide to everything" or whatevs. i promptly skipped through the "do's and donut's" and "how to give a bj" sections, clearly already well equipped with the skills of clothes and gobbies i ventured further... intoo a section that must have been called "rectum recollections".

the section was all about people who, on purposely shelved everyday objects, wether it be a shampoo bottle, sauce dispenser or transparent dildo. all up the butt.

straight up, no half stepping. some of the people ended up in hospital because, you know - your not really sposd to put THAT much hard plastic in there. its a place of outputs, not a recycling bin!

so the peeps who ended up in hospital always said something like "i fell on it" and the doctors are all "why does the sauce bottle have a condom on it then, HEY HEY?"

in steps my irrational fear.. "so what if i slipped in the shower and something DID indeed go up my butt, and then they donut believe me?? and what if it was the taps?? man you'd really have to slip on an angle.. it would have to be SURGICALLY REMOVED!!! and then theyd think id been having a tap fap. AHHH.. etc."

i used to think about this 95% of the time i was showering, and for someone who showers 2/3 times daily ITS KIND OF ALOT.

enter 2011. new state, new shower. NEW FEARS. but this time nothing to do with the shower.

most mornings i wake at 5:45 am, leave the house by 7am, catch a train to flinders and then wait there for up to 25minutes for another 20 minute train ride. wooo. relevance? well for that period of time im waiting at the train station im usually in a 1 coffee state. ie. medically dead. so there is no way im standing for up to 25 minutes.. so i sit on a step that has a sign "PLEASE DO NOT SIT ON THE STEP, THIS IS NOT LOST PROPERTY" all i think about in this time is:

A. when my next coffee fix will be

B. if sitting on this step will give me hemroids

C. if i have hemroids will they be affected by coffee

D. will it be less satisfying to take a dump if half my ass is falling out

E. do hippies believe hemroids are the "nodes" of the anus

F. would freud say i had some toilet troubles when i was a baby seeing as all of my fears are related to the destruction of my ass?