Wednesday, August 13, 2008

Disney Hierarchy

I rully hate it when you ask someone what their favourite Disney movie is and they're all THE LITTLE MERMAID. Like wtf, who are you. That tells me nothing about yourself. It's kinda like saying The Arcade Fire is your favourite band. The Little Mermaid isn't even THAT good, the best part is when Flouder says "I'm not a guppy" and looks really angry. Sometimes when I get angry in real life I say that under my breath and it's empowering. I guess I really like the Kiss the Girl song too (because the back up singers are frogs!) and Homer Simpson's version of Under the Sea is amazing too. The worst classic animated Disney movie of all time is Sleeping Beauty, mainly because it offends me (as a woman) and Prince Charming isn't even that dardy (wtf at his eyebrows) but I digress. Snow White is shit too, and I even got bored watching Fantasia after a million Doobie Brothers shows. Things like Pocahontus and (I'm sorry) Mulan are okay and everything, but I don't feel the passion. I don't really get the Aladdin hype that much either, and A Whole New World is the most homo song to exist in the history of the universe forever. Get that as a tattoo Bowser! Don't you dare close your eyes!

If you are gonna say a mainstream Disney movie is your favourite, you are allowed to say The Lion King because it's really good. Like if you are on a game show and someone asks What Is the Best Disney Movie then you should probably say The Lion King because you'll win a Hummer or something (if you are on the same game show and they ask What Is The Best Colour, you should say green because you'll win too, you'll be a returning champion). Other acceptable Disney movies you are allowed to rave about are Alice in Wonderland, Peter Pan, Dumbo, Bambi and Lady & The Tramp.
If you are trying to impress me by saying An American Tail, The Land Before Time or All Dogs Go To Heaven are your favourite Disneys, NICE TRY ASSHOLE. Like no actually, good try, I count those movies among my favourites but they are all Don Bluth movies (I am so embarrassing), not Disney. Don Bluth is the master of the animated tear jerker (Immigrant mouse playing the violin after the 'death' of his son? I am not made of stone!).

Anyway, my favourite Disney movie is probably The Rescuers (the first one, Down Under was kinda bad) or maybe Robin Hood. These are good answers, mainly because I have universally acknowledged perfect taste. When I was a young girl with a bowl haircut who exclusively wore matching trackpant/track jumper outfits, these were the movies I would watch over and over. I really related to Penny the orphan, mainly because I would have been too ugly to get adopted too! The Rescuers is probably the reason I feel shit working in a lab that uses mice because like what if they are members of the Rescue Aid Society and we just killed them to speriment on their brains?

Love Clare xoxoxo

P.s - I haven't talked about all Disney movies (especially post 90s ones) because I really need to do a wee. If you want my opinion on an animated movie (you probably do, I have perfect taste) then I can maybe give it to you.


rorschach said...

This was a really good blog entrance!

kara_mckiddy18 said...

The Lion King Rules!!!! I'm totally not saying that just because you approved it. The Lion King is my favorite movie all together. Like I collect Lion King stuff.