Friday, July 3, 2009

A Guide to Sucking Cock


Girls, are you kind of worried that you are not that great at going down to downtown? Never fear, Gracey is here, to tell you some secrets.


Gag Reflex


While most boys would totally profess that they in fact, want a girl that could deep throat a banana, (not one of those lunchbox sizes at Coles either, some huge monstrosity from some far away island) after lengthy research I have decided this is untrue. Guys like it when you have a shitty gag reflex because you are basically choking on their dick. This makes them feel really manly and tough and like they have a huge penis, even if they are of the Eurasian persuasian that is European on the top half, and Asian on the bottom.* Think about it. YOU ARE ALMOST VOMITING BECAUSE OF THEIR WANG. And we all know the secret of what every man wants deep down: to see a female in a little bit of discomfort.

Mysterious Finger

Cosmo tells me that some boys like a finger in their butt during head because it stimulates the prostate and apparantly achieves OUT OF THIS WORLD orgasms. Cosmo also tells me that He's Just Not That Into You which is probably because you tried to stick a finger up his butt without warning. I'm going to vote this one an epic fail unless he specifically asks for it. I kind of like what Vice said about that particularly topic which is "When driving home after, keep your finger up off the steering wheel like you are saying 'hey' to all your fellow drivers."

Balls

Put 'em in your mouf.

There you go ladies. Even if you are a prude who wont stick a finger up a bum and has a shitty gag reflex, go forward and spread some love. Make sure you are getting head in return though, or else it is all for nothing.


Disclaimers:

*Every youreazn I have dated has been the total opposite.
*I fucking hate giving BJ's.