TAKING BACK MONDAY

wake up, mum comes over, mum and me on gardening mission, i make jokes about "forking it hard" and "forking the shit out of it", coffee, lawnmowing, nicotine nina, bagel - fucking ruling yr universe, clare and i walk, clare and i buy poprocks and candy from the corner store, clare and i settle on a parkbench in hydepark, clare and i make a few stiff drinks, gracey on a bicycle, girl club commences, clare is cold and wants too be sick, laughing at the runners, BLKOUT.... then... (allegedly) clare leaves, i finish my bombay sapphire, gravy and i walk too the queens, i am leaning on the bar lolling and thinking how fucking charming i am when really everyone is laughing because im on a different much more retarded and uncoordinated planet than they are, arguing about exzactly WHO has seen me naked and who hasnt, clare calls and i tell her i feel "really special and that lots of ppl are trying my sungrasses on", bourbon and coke, walking home? supposedly my roommate is driving up walcott street and i am sittin outside the liquorbarron, head on the pavement, she asks me if i want a lift home, i reply by flipping her the bird,  i stumble home, she follows me in the car, i arrive home, at this point too drunk too walk so instead crawl or pull myself around like a gorilla, i try explaining how i feel too clare "sometimes ppl are all (bounces on bed) but im just like (bounces on bed)", i then try too send my deepest darkest feelings via txt msg, i want too say 'whats up? lets fornicate' but can only manage a 'sup lets fortythree' which clare cannot deal with, i wake up at 6am having no recollection of most of these events, no phone, no dignity, etc etc. i call in sick too work using my roomates iphone, forget too say whoose calling so at the end creepily say "NINA" then FORGET too turn the phone off and yr boss ends up thinking yr a total jerkoff because he can hear you laughing in the background, sleeping pills, a coma, waking up too red orange soda, hanging out the washing, almost vomiting on the shrubs, damn it.

sorry gravy, and anyone else who was probably mentally damaged by seeing someone so offensive hahahah. SOWWEEEEE xxx.