Friday, March 5, 2010

The New System

Kind of along the lines of what Ben Menzies has recently been talking about (via how good lists are), I've been thinking a lot about systems and categories. Systemizin' and Categorizin' people is great! It's an easy way to slot them into your life and not have to think about things a whole lot cus your brain is already busy enough with cuties, parties and drinkies, right?

So, Jesse Chip and I have come up with a fullproof system/categorization of girls. Every single girl (or guz, depending on how you look at the situation) falls into one of two categories. Everyone. Your mum, your nan, everyone you went to primary school with, the girl you see every morning on the 7.45 from the corner of 4th and Beaufort into town, Jo Beth Taylor, Annik Skelton, your sister, everyone you know.

They're either a would, or a wouldn't.

Would or wouldn't what, right? Well, they either would sleep with your boyfriend/recent ex boyfriend/boy you got a crush on/whatever or they just.wouldn' Most of your friends are probably wouldn't, cus they're your friends, right? You can still be friends with woulds!! They need love too!! They are usually the greatest party friends to have!! They generally know how to get free drinks and which DJ to hit up for free drugs. The only downside is having to talk to a bunch of dudes you normally wouldn't give the time of day, but hey, you're getting free drinks/drugs out of it, stop complaining. The best things in life are free, like hanging out with RZA. You just gotta watch for the warning signs around your boyfriend/recent ex boyfriend/boy you got a crush on/whatever.

Think about it. Every single person you know falls into one of these categories. They have to because they cover 100% of the gender of females (apart from lesbians but just imagine a girly man where I say boy or something). Of course 'Wouldn'ts' make mistakes. Everyone does!! Sometimes good people do bad stuff!! But if you can think of any example where you think that I am wrong via some retarded shit that your friends or you have done, email me at and I will prove you wrong. For free.

Wouldn't's are your Beyonces. They are your homegirls. You got them and they got you. So go forth and spread the word. You now have a new thing to sneer at someone you don't like that they definitely won't understand. Viva la Wouldn'ts! Party with Would's! Girls 4 LIAF!


Annik said...

Wait... which one am I?

Bebe John Burgess said...

Jo Beth Taylor. Childhood girl crush.