HAI GUYS

I think I found the most retarded thing ever typed.

Benjamin Stewart Marshall at 1:40pm June 6

I do agree with your oppinen tho and I figger this may be the reson that they have never done the death penalty for ture sico paths is that who will say someone is a sico path a sycoliges haha sycolagy is probly the least exact siance there is tho I do think it is curl to keep someone locked up for there hole lives knowing they will never be free. haha I hate to say this but "forgive our sins as we forgive those who sin agenst us " I know that is an extract form the lords prair but this way of thinking has been instramental in the evlution of the human morality.

I do agree when u say if someone has no respect for life do the deserve life them selfs they are monsters and will just burden sociaty for there lives

but yeah I am copletly torn when it comes to this suject haha I do not like to be a fence sitter with things but I guess in this casue I am

Gemma doesn't blog here anymore

I haven't been blogging much lately, mostly due to the fact that I actually don't do anything since I don't have a job, money or any worthwhile hobbies.

Now this blog may betray me in that it lets everyone know that not only did I NOT go out last night but I stayed up watching Rage.

This clip just bugs me so fucking much.

Manchester Orchestra - "I've Got Friends"


I feel like it is everything that is wrong with hipsters right now.

Firstly, why is everyone wearing glasses, do they come from a magical land where macular degeneration reigns supreme?

The main characters are a boy and a girl who both look Asian but might not be. They are looking at Polaroids when the dude gets attacked by a bear (man in bear suit) and dies.

She goes to the cemetery to visit his grave while holding his obnoxious (probs lensless) glasses.

Everything but her is in sepia. The dude's spirit pops out of the grave, him and the decidedly ugly band members chase her, so does the bear. The bear turns out to be a dude in a bear suit. I don't get it.

So let's recap

hipster cliches include:

- People who look Asian but might just be trying really hard to look Asian
- gigantic glasses that they probs don't even need.
- Polaroids
- people in animal suits
- cemetery
- sepia
- ugly band members with beards

I don't know why it got me so mad. Maybe I'm jealous of people who have no shame because I have been burdened with so much of it.

ride or die

"as i cycle by, here began all my dreams. the saddest thing ive ever seen."

yes its true. i did have a dream, i was up and atom early on my merry way too work.. my denim jacket billowing in the wind and my mind thinking (sunshine!kittens!) then as i crossed the fitzgerald vincent intersection i was pummeled in the side by another cyclist and sent flying through the air, landing only centermeters from 2rows of 8:30 am traffic. gore all over yr face. as i got up from the crumpled heap that i lay in the only thing i could think was need cigarette...  the other cyclist was fine! he didnt even leave the comfy padded seat of his loyal steed.

i convinced him i was okay apparantly my teeth were "all there, i think" and i walked a couple of metres too dispose of my now unusable cane basket. jerkface rode intoo the sunset.

anyway WAYNE pulled over in his 4wd asked me if i wanted a wetwipe too clean up my bloody lip and drove me too work!! wayne was a firefighter running late for his course, WAYNE IS PRETTY MUCH MY HERO.

so, i have learnt today, that there are many jerks who may possibly run you down on their bikes for no reason and yeah it was an accident but thanks for saying sorry for almost leaving me in the incoming traffic. hell hell hit and run.

then there are the waynes of this world (waynes world?) who will offer you wetwipes when you are blood faced.

Letters to the Editor

People who still write into the newspaper are so cute! They think their opinion matters and can change stuff. You can tell they are really old because a) their names are all like Beverly, Lorna or Norman and b) if they had a blog, they wouldn't need to do this sorta thing. They had the best letter today, from Alan Wells in Wembley:

"The trend of using part-time and casual workers in Australia has to stop. Women returning to the workforce after having children are also causing inconvenience to the public by not being up to date with technological change. Consumers are having to deal with employees who don't know their products or are making simple mistakes which take time and resources to remedy."

Hahahaha. I am really excited to see the replies to this letter over the next couple days. This guy is REALLY old. I think I have served approx a million dudes like him at my myriad of shitty retail jobs (that I work part-time at! to support myself while I study! should probably just get centrelink so as to not to disturb the public!). He is this guy:

Alan: Hello miss, I am looking for a sweater/book/CD.
Me: Sure thing. What kind of sweater/book/CD? How much are you looking to spend?
Alan: I'm not sure really.
Me: Do you want me to hold your hand and point out every single sweater/book/CD in the whole of the fucking store and see if you like it when I could be eating candy in the stockroom?
Alan: Oh yes.

Uh yeah guy, I know that my life is meant to be about pushing products at you until you get confused enough to buy one, but I hate consumers that don't know what they want. I'm not even gonna touch the "women are too dumb to catch up on like 2 months of technological change" thing. RAB asked me what my dream job would be. I said trust fund kid OR worker's comp that lasts for infinity but I don't have any obvious disabilities.

Love Clare xoxo
p.s. - We have been giving your dad oral @ www.chroniclesofdardia.com for one whole year now!!

Real Talk With Clarke

Can we talk about this?





Gladiator sandals are pretty hard to deal with full stop. They go on my list of footwear that makes me go "I don't know about you as a person" if I see someone wearing them. Other items on the list are pretty obvious: havianas not at the beach, ugg boots not in the privacy of your own home etc. It's all about context. Nike gladiator sandals are either a really hilarious in-joke, like on a girl who's all "These are gross, I know. Isn't it funny??" or they are the things my puke is made of (apart from like one million Reece's Pieces, I can't eat them anymore). I don't know. Do you know?

Love Clare xoxo

WIZADRY

Ninjas know.

Examples of special rules are:
- Appropriate Wizard Lingo must be used whenever possible:
- "I'm feeling drunk" = "I'm feeling wise"
- "I need another beer" = "I need to Level Up"

BYO towel to be made into a cape when you achieve wizard status. See you cunts on Saturday.

the nosebleeds

so, i guess i havent been doing alot lately. sometimes its all beers, bikes and babes and others its all work work work, escort 40yr old women too the bathroom (FYI that actually fucking happened).

this means that in my spare time (?) i dont do much except sleep (possible swine flu?) and eat bagels or strawberry flavoured rasins or wear variations of the same tshirtandunderwearcombo.

i do read alot though!

"i have 60c too my name, i want too buy a 50c mixture and then have 10c too my name."

"karate on her eyeballs"

"soulcrusherrr"

"i took ____ then several hours later awoke on the bathroom floor (naked). IM SO AWAKE!!! im totally wearing clothes now!!!"

"heavy petting and boobmashing"

"blah blah blah get drunk, WHATEVER! oh hey, DP you have the jaw of a superhero and one time in highschool i heard a story about you that involved a cat, masturbation and fire do you want too kiss one time?"

"you are (retarded)"

"today the ground wore my eyes. gracey says the dali-lama is rubbish. i say DIY. i ate nomeatpizza."

"teenage tradgedy"

"places in the world that arent made of stone"

"ulimate boner inducers reprise"

"im only semi drunk"

"a message on my pillow that says nina stay asleep in bed"

"whats that in yr eye? oh, its just a sparkle"

"is its simply a promise of probable fruitless futures?"

"please respect the delicate ecology of my delusions"

"for you see, the things i like about ppl are usually the things that remind me of ppl i like a whole lot more. social scenarios? anyone?"

"yard sale? yard pail? yard fail? get in my yard hot boys from hale?"

"on the one occasion, 5 times!!! i liked it!!! you are good! then we threw the evidence out the window"

"he eats concrete"

"im not just a piece of furniture"

"i eat bean mix"

" a scornfull half smile played on his upcurving lips in answer too the hostile looks of the rowdies."