I am writing this mail to you with tears and sorrow from my heart.My name is Miss. Mercy David Steven, accountancy student in the university, my late father David Stevens was a farmer in the country and he was shot dead in an incident east of the capital, Harare. My father was killed during an incident involving a group of farmers who responded to a radio distress call from a neighbor in the Virginia Macheke district. My late father and another farmer were chased and shot at before taking refuge in a local police station and i was left alone with the twins my mother delivered before her death.The protesters came also to our house and destroyed everything, but i escaped with the twins and the briefcase that my father entrusted to me before his death, i went to my grand mother and stayed for while because of my studies, but life was very hard for me, it came to a point that students went into prostitution to pay for school fees and to feed.You can read from the news inhttp://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/africa/715001.stm,When i opened the briefcase and found out the documents that my late father have deposited some mount of money which i am the next of kin in a bank in Burkina Faso, I traveled there to withdraw the money for a better life for me and for my twins brothers, when i get there i found out that my late father instructed the bank that i will withdraw the money when i am married, or with a trustee that will stand on my behalf.Actually in search of an honest and reliable person who will help me to withdra w the money and invest it i have chosen to contact you after my prayers and i believe you will not try to cheat me but rather take me as your own people. Though you may wonder why I am so soon giving in to you without seeing you, well I will say that my heart still tells that you could be true to me. Briefly,I will like to disclose much to you if you will help me to relocate to your country with the substance that i inherited from my parent. The amount of $14.4Million which i will like to invest in your country into any lucrative business venture which you are to advise and execute seeing that i have no business experience for now.However, I shall forward you with the necessary documents on confirmation of your acceptance to assist me for the transfer and investment of the fund.As you will help me in an investment, and i will like to complete my studies, as i was in my first year in the university, when the crisis started.It is my intention to compensate you with 20% of the total money for your services and the balance shall be my investment capital. This is the reason why I decided to contact you. Please all communications should be through this email address only for confidential purposes.As soon as I receive your positive response showing your interest I will put things into action immediately. In the light of the above, I shall appreciate an urgent message indicating your ability and willingness to handle this transaction sincerely. Awaiting your urgent and positive response. Please do keep this only to your self please i beg you not to disclose it till i come over , once the fund has been transfered.I will send you my picture in my next mail.With due respect, I am pleading that you help me, i am giving all this detailed information with every transparency believing that you will have a clear picture of the base of help i need from you. I hope to hear from you soon, May truth and love be the guiding word in my refuge in you dear helper.Yours Sincerely,Mercy.
Dear Mercy (cool name),
Firstly, what exactly are you axing me? To marry you? becuz if you knew me at all then you would know that I am an independent woman and getting married makes me want to barf. I have been dreaming about a sugar daddy since I was 15 burt I imagine him to be more like this
not someone from a place the Financial Gazette described as a "sunshine city-turned-sewage farm".Secondly, are you a boy or a girl? Let's go ahead and break your name down.
Miss: title of a single laydee
Mercy: Name of a hospital in Grey's Anatomy
David: Dude's name
Steven: Dude's name
So are you like a neuter? Do you have xyy chromosomes (x=miss, y=david, y=steven and Mercy was the hospital where they found out about your extra Y?) becuz that means you are more likely to have learning difficulties, and I don't marry dumbdumbz.
My final advice to you, my little orphaned freak is that the best things in life are free like when some dude gives you a free lob or when you illegally download music, it isn't all about money. Also you need to stick it to the man (ie: yr dead dad), parents are soooooo lame, donut let them run yr life from beyond the grave.
Tuffin' up dude, stop whining, move on and stop sending me spam becuz I get rally exited when I get new emails for my advice. Also there was an episode of Veronica Mars about the Nigerian Scam or whatevs the fuck it is called so I'm totally prepared.
Love from Gemmer xoxo
Need advice? Email axe_da_cod@hotmail.com.
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