Monday, February 16, 2009

Scumbags 101

My time is really precious. Sometimes I get paid for it! Mostly it's free tho. I hate it when you have to interact with people who waste your time and brain power and feelings. They are called scumbags. They are worth zero dollars. The shitty thing about Perth, apart from the bElLtOwEr (jk, I don't give a turd), is that you probably will see these S.B.'s at the bus stop, at the park, at the coles, at da clubs, at da inevitable kebab shop. They make you wanna move to Girrawheen, where the kebab shops are filled with beautiful humans who donate to charities and foster children for all the right reasons. Here are some commonly encountered scumbags:

1. People you've been seeing for a month or two and then decide to start dating someone else without telling you. Yeah you're not "in a relationship" on Myspace/Facebook but like, get some fucking manners. I don't want to be second on the list to anybody, it's embarrassing and I would prefer to GTFO of there. Once I was "seeing" (bullshit term alert!) this dude who was actually secretly cheating on his girlfriend of two years with me PLUS was also being bf/gf with a cute 18 year old. He told me he had broken up with his gf and the 18 year old rumour was nada. Fast forward a year and he is still dating those two girls. NEWSFLASH: Dude is like 30, living with his parents, still plays in a gay band and works in retail. Can you say "anti-dardy"? I can. We've all been hurt before asswipe, it doesn't give you license to treat girls like shit because "you're in a bad place". You're not a good person, so donut pretend to be. U SUCK, NEXT ONE!

2. Shit bitches. Sometimes people decide to not like you for no reason. That's ok! What is so not ok is when they decide to be aggressive about it and get up in yr grill. My grill is MINE! Don't holler trash at me or my friends in bars cause it achieves nothing. Either shut your clam or get articulate about it and hand us a letter detailing all the reasons you hate us. To quote you guys, "YOU'RE A MOLE"!!! OMG!@!! LET'S GET SHOOTERS!!"

3. People who get drunk and then use that as an excuse for a million shit things they do/say I borrowed that from NME. It's really true.

4. Dudes who start having sex with you while you're asleep even though you said NO! a billion times the night before. . Why would you wanna have sex with someone who obviously doesn't want to have sex with you? Gross. You are gross. GTFO grossie, you make me puke.

5. Soul ruiners. Originally you were really really nice to soul-ruiners, you maybe kissed them AND meant it, but then they decide to fucking destroy you for no reason. No matter how much you try to be selfless and caring and honest, it's never enough to make them show you the same amount of respect. Soul ruiners waste your time AND feelings and that's why they are the worst. They will cause you feelings of self-doubt Kasey Chambers "AM I NOT PRETTY ENOUGH?" style for life. Every time you see a soul-ruiner you want to go home and watch anime. Every time you see a soul-ruiner you want to move countries. Go away soul-ruiners.

#1 to #5 sometimes seem to collect all in the same place. This is when you tell your friends that the bar is having an "asshole convention" and you go somewhere else. Lately there seems to be a lot of these conventions and a lot of haterade flying around. Rent in Girrawheen is also pretty cheap.

Love Clare xoxo


Janelle said...

who is this 30yr old retail guy dating 2 girls at the same time?
I hope you punched him in the balls clare.

Queef Ledger said...

Nah, I just made fun of him on the internet. His girlfriends should totally dump him.

Janelle said...

Making fun of men on the internet is great pay back. Did you ever see that naked photo of me I sent to my ex after he asked for a naked pic of me? I wrote on a piece of paper "FUCK OFF". You couldn't see my naked body much but you could tell I was nakkie.
He was pissed off.

That douchebag should burn.
This makes me hate men.