Tuesday, September 16, 2008

Panadine Forte is my Boyfriend.

Today at Hollywood hospital a doctor crushed my wisdom teeth and sucked them out of my gums with a vacuum, I believe.

Okay let us begin from a logical POV (aka: the beginning).

My ever so compassionate mother dropped me off and we had a wonderful conversation which really eased my mind about the whole procedure.

M: Now Gemma if the anaesthetic wears off but you don't have the strenghth to tell them and you can feel them cutting open your gums...
G: (interrupting) Don't mum! I saw it on Grey's Anatomy
M: It really happens! Okay bye, good luck.
(M exits, G has small panic attack)

Then I have to go to a shared room and get naked behind a curtin. I looked real sexbomb in the gown (even after when it had blood and jelly on it).

The dude to my right was making out with his GF HARDCORE! I couldn't see cuzza the curtin but oh boyo could I hear the macks.

I'm pretty sure the girl on my left was reading the bible and I got this weird jealous feeling when the nurses talked to her. I really wanted them to like me, which they totally did even though my first questions were 1)when can I start drinking booze 2)how many days can I scam off uni and 3) can I keep my teeth.

Then I went in the waiting room where the biggest hottie ever asked me a bunch of questions. He had a glorious, glorious accent. Swoon. He also touched my boob which ruled (he had to put a thermometer there, plus he totes wanted to).

When I woke up I kinda freaked out and vaguely remember the nurses telling me to stop talking. Pretty sure I was trying to tell them the shitty thing my mum said before I went in.

Before I went in I was reading Catch 22 and I decided that pretending I was in a WWII hospital was the best idea. I was Yossarain and the girl next to me was Dunbar but I'm not sure if she was fully aware. As a result I think I had an "i'm such a trooper" face on which the nurses either found herioc or overly dramatic.

When I got home my little sister looked really sick, apparently she had an anxiety attack cuz i'd been at the hospital too long. I really want her to stay home from school tomorrow so I can tell her some really good insults to tell the bint who bullies her at school.

Since getting home I've eaten some chicken, ice cream, fruit and chips. I think the chips might have fucked up my stitches but i'm pretty sure it was worth it.

My face is numb on one half and I keep pretending I'm that Milo guy from Heroes, mother does not think it is very convincing but her taste in the performing arts is rather low brow if you know what I mean.

Love from Gemma

Ps. SHOOT! Forgot to ask how long before I can give gobbies again!!! JK! Gross!


Jane Donut said...

Fuck I thought I was just eating chocolate but I was eating my cheek.

euzebiusz said...

I hope you didn't meet the texan or see the man in white :/

good luck with your not-quite-jaundice!

Yeah, Right. said...

id touch yr breast, who wouldnt?! theyre HUGEEEE