Tuesday, September 9, 2008

Gemmer: The Enigma

So I was going through my internet emails because I am doing homework, these things are related. First of all, if anyone in the world was to see the emails Gemma and I used to send each other in the golden years (late 05-early 07) you would probably like either want to have children with us or never see us again in your life (probably bitched about you, sry). If you are not privileged enough for Gemma to have sent you an email, here are a couple of real-life examples:

Date: Jan 8 2006
"Yoyoyo don't know if you will be checkin' the ol' hemails but hi Clare, hi! How is Tasmania? Fun? Excruciatingly awkward? OOOOO I almost forgot I got a blood nose yesterday, must have been from the stress of you leaving, I thought it was really funny. Mum came home from work and i was lying on the couch watching Dragon Ball Z and holding a bloody tissue and I says I says "I want clare to come back" and Mum was all "Has she even left yet?". I bought a really cool notebook today because I realised that I have a lot of really wicked and cool thoughts that I forget FO' EXAMPLE: If I die from being burnt then I want my funeral to be open casket. Just things like that. Can't wait to party like it is Clarey99!!!"


Date: June 12 2006
"I have had so much coffee today that I have ***** 4 times! usually it is more like once! Something happened with my ear that was so gross I couldn't concentrate on my study. I dressed my sister like a whore for a rock and roll party yesterday, it was pretty funny, I burned her scalp about fifty times with the curling iron so maybe now she can be less of a pussy, but alas she just went in crying to my parents about a bad dream soooooo I guess I cannot lay the curling iron to rest."

Amongst such gems, I also found a short piece I had composed on October 30th, 2006 about Gemma.

"Cool Things That Happened on Saturday Night
A short novel by Clare E. Wee.
When we got back to Caddyshack after partying one night (that's a cool nickname for my place of residence guys), Gemma immediately went outside and started picking lemons. She had like six cradled in her arms and she asked me to pick up all the ones she dropped. She put them inside and didn't explain her actions. Then she got a glass of water, opened the fridge and poured it all over our foodz and said that everything would crisp up overnight. I said wtf! Kris Kristofferson, a frequent guest at my house, was eating a pastry the next morning and he said it was all watery. Then she ran outside on the street and hid behind a light pole. She didn't have any pants on and refused to come inside. But I caught her because she was too busy giggling to be any good at running. Haha! Then we went inside and watched TV. Gemma smeared toothpaste all over her tongue and then went to sleep.

I sort of know what it is like to have a mentally disabled person as a sibling or daughter or whatever now. It's really funny. "

So these things combined have made me really miss our salad days, when me and Gemma used to work at Dewsons together and pretend the EFTPOS machines were walkie talkies, when we used to both have fringes and people would be all: R U SISTERS and Gemma would say "Yeah, bangs are genetic brainiac" and we lived at our parents' houses and knew the 102/107/98/103 routes off by heart because they took us to each other. I'm well aware of how GAY I sound but you obviously don't have a BFF.

Now we're old and not that funny anymore :(.

p.s - thinking of turning Gemma's emails into a book like Barfin Arfin style.


tomthrett said...

total babezzzzzzz

Yeah, Right. said...

you look like jenna in that photo clare!!
put a lollypop in yr mouth and yr a deadset doppleganger!

Suzie Perfect said...


But I would actually rather die than have a chupachup schtick.

rorschach said...

LOL at those electronic letters. They are so-really funny!

Clare, you look way old in that photo.

The word verification word is BUWOH!