Tuesday, November 18, 2008

20 Situations When You Say ‘Ow’ and Someone Asks What’s Wrong and You Can’t Reply Because It’s Embarrassing

1. When you are clicking a four colour pen near your mouth and the clicker gets caught in your moustache hairs (and you’re a woman)
2. When you steady yourself with your arm except you accidentally pinch your forearm fat against the bench
3. When you scratch the inside of your nose when you pick it
4. When you step in gum and not realise it and then you sit weirdly on your computer chair (ie on your foot) and then you go to move but your foot is stuck to your undies (possibly the worst moment of my life)
5. When you get carpal tunnel from giving marathon hjs
6. when you wear a pad with wings and the wing curls up and your downstairs get stuck to the adhesive.
7. when your heart hurts when you are listening to Phil Collins
8. Pulling leg muscles being sexual, ie from being on top too long, or from excessive leg o’er shoulder
9. When you get chills listening to Miley Cyrus
10. When you have ripped the shit out of your tongue from eating a whole packet of mini sour warheads and it hurts to do anything with your mouth (talk, drink, eat). it’s embarrassing because you have no self-control.
11. when you’re such a heartless bitch that one of your tear ducts dries up and gets infected and you have to go and watch Gladiator to fix it
12. When you are watching Steel Magnolias with a bunch of people and you have to hold in your tears so they don’t think you’re a sissy (you are).
13. when you sneeze and jump start your period, when you vomit and push out your tampon, when you have a coughing fit and push out your tampon
14. when you’re trying on a tight denim jacket and it hurts to pull off because of the severe eggsma on your arms. And then you go try on a silk robe and say “Ahhh this feels SO GOOD on my rash” and the saleslady looks like she wants to burn you (that one hurts my feelings).
15. When you are a giant weenie and can’t swallow big pills because they get stuck in your throat and make you barf but everyone is taking Cold and Flu tablets and you don’t wanna seem uncool so you don’t bother breaking it in half and sure enough you are heaving like three minutes later.
16. When you spill whiskey on your VJ
17. When you get drunk and duct tape your nipples for hilarity and have to pull it off in the morning when its not funny anymore
18. Not shaving your pitts and then getting a chafe rash under your arms from swinging them too much when you walk.
19. Such severe brash (beard rash) from hardcore making out that the entire lower half of your face starts peeling a day later. This is called late onset brash.
20. When you pull a muscle in your arm/chest from picking out a wedgie on one buttcheek using the arm from the opposite side (this was probably the best injury I ever had).
- - - A compiled list by members of the C.O.D and associates. We can’t say which ones happened to whom because it’s embarrassing. Feel free to comment us with ones of your own!

1 comment:

Yeah, Right. said...

shit, i kept on thinking THATS HAPPENED TOO ME TOO SHIT! 4 bodies one mind.