My Career Begins

Dear axe Gemmer,

I have a dilemma in need of some advice. A friend and I are both interested in the same girl.She is a cutie that works in a mens clothing boutique I ride pass on my bike to and from home everyday.One day when walking passed with my friend we get in a discussion about the cute Boutique girl, he lives round the corner so also frequents the store, and he goes on to tell me how he has been putting in ground work with her and she remembers him from a brief encounter back in high school when he use to have the cool house where everyone could come smoke weed and drink after school. And now they chat when he comes in every now and again. He also confirms that she is single.I was unaware that he knew her during all the time I have been visiting the shop and recently she has been smiling at me as I go by.So the dilemma...He is a good mate that I have known for ages.But i like her....and he has a girlfriend in another country.Plus he works all arvo and night and she works all day. What should I do?! oh, and what are some good frozen meals.



Dear COD reader in romantic distress,*
As someone with experience in the bros-before-hoes (box-before-cocks** for girls) area I would normally tell you that no girl is worth a friendship but for various reasons I will not.
Firstly I think that if neither of you have first based it with her then it is fair game. If you do a gentlemanly side-step and the cutie and your friend start dating you are going to be in much more of pickle if you guys realise that you like each other later on.
Secondly, if the hit 90s film Drive Me Crazy has taught us anything it’s that “high school love is for saps Brad”. So they knew each other in high school? Big deal, you are a hip dude, you read the COD, you like shopping in men’s clothing boutiques and you ride a bike (you should join our bike gang!): clearly a dreamboat.
And finally, a GF in another country? In the wise words of Neil Patrick-Harris your friend needs to “shit or get off the pot”. People tend to take this reference the wrong way, I’m not saying that the cutie is a shit or a toilet I just mean that he needs to man up and commit to the long distance relationship or end it. As for incompatible schedules, that’s the last nail in the coffin dude.
Go for her she’s probably awesome and drinks lunchtime beers and stuff. Maybe use the competition to rev yourself up for it, when I was in year 10 I was always competing with Tara for the top mark in math then I got upgraded to the next math level and since I had nerrbody to compete with I boned it (that is both a true story AND a metaphor!). Just make sure the competition is friendly (although if you need some subtle revenge I do have a Veronica Mars complex, a really good camera and fairly poor morals).
As for frozen meals my personal faves are the Heinz and Lean Cuisine steam fresh meals (if you close your eyes you can almost pretend the chicken is real!!!).
Love from Gemmer







Everyone with a probalo write me! I'm super good at telling people how to live their lives and since i'm such a disgusting human being there will be no judgement (bascially anything shit you've done, I can top it). So sent me some mail at axe_da_cod@hotmail.com



*I take no responsibility for any lives I ruin

**I made that up! I'm smart!