I like how if you work in retail, every single person you serve assumes you are a fucking mongoloid/don't exist. I used to work at Boffins Bookshop, which was for technical and specialist (read: pretentious) books, whose average clientele were condenscending 35 year old business cunts. My favourite things they said to me:
"Oh you work here? Do you know the boss or something?"
i.e. I am too dumb looking to get a job in a book store, because I obviously don't know how to read. The boss is my uncle and my mom forced him to give me a job because I'm too retarded to do anything else, obviously.
"Okay I'm looking for this book about water. It's like...do you know what an enzyme is?"
i.e. Yeah I learnt in like Year 9 biology class, asshole. I also have a degree in Biochemistry, and that really helps me to direct you to a new-age self help book about the enabling powers of water.
"Can you direct me to someone who can tell me about the (insert computer term here) books?"
Wtf dude? I could be a computer genius for all you know. The best bit was the look on their gay faces when you showed them to the C# programming books and recommended which ones were best. I was totally lying though, I didn't know shit.
"Do you have The Secret in yet? It's like, you probably haven't heard of it, this totally revolutionary book"
I was around when The Secret first came out. In the months leading up to its release, every second person asked for it. Every second human being on the planet is a complete moron. I think that's a proven fact.
Anyway, I am pretty sure I'm not gonna renew my contract as a 'scientist par excellence' (that's the official term) to get a shitty job in retail so I can let my brain atrophy over summer. I'm really feeling this is a good idea.
Love Clare xoxo
p.s. - I finished school now, everybody call me to hang out.
5 years ago
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