Wee Wah?

COD minus Nina + Rachael "2 Holes" McGee went on a little day trip down to the greatest tourism destination in WA on Monday, Mandurah. While we didn't pick up crabs (with our vaginas or in our mouths) we did take in the sights, which involved walking along the foreshore aimlessly and perving on dudes driving silly cars shirtless while wearing caps.
The main attraction was of course, the op shops. We all cleaned up, and apart from a whole shitload of clothes for $23.45, I also managed to buy a sweet tv for 4 bucks, and a copy of a book I have basically been wanting to read my whole life, Valley of the Dolls.


I finished Valley today and I needed to share my GIANT disappointment with the world. I'm not sure whether I had built it up in my head as being an amazing piece of work or something, but it was like a subpar Jackie Collins without any of the sex scenes to mazz to. It did make me want daily shots of demerol and to able to order everyone round cus "I'M A STAR! THERE'S NO ONE ELSE LIKE ME!." though. In order to not let anyone else fall into this trap, I'm going to recommend some amazing pieces of trash fiction that won't let you down.

1. Flowers in the Attic - Virginia Andrews




An absolute classic. Virginia Andrews really outdid herself here. Everybody reads it for the (omg!) arsenic doughnuts and the (double omg!) incest sex scene. Don't let the V.C. Andrews newish books sucker you in though, it's just her estate trying to wring some blood out of a rock. Could almost be a Virginia Andrews plot, really. You should also definitely read all of the books in this series.

2. Hollywood Wives/Hollywood Kids/Hollywood Husbands - Jackie Collins


The best out of ol' Jackie. Pretty self explanatory really. You know what to expect - cheating husbands, cheating wives, orgies, a surprisingly lacking amount of drugs except for in passing commentary in Hollywood Kids, the lone wolf falls in love with the lone lioness. You will finish all of them in a week, guaranteed.

3. Sweet Valley High/University/Senior Year - Francine Pascal/Kate Williams/A million other ghostwriters.


I was really worrying about including this, because SVH is a whole lot more than trashy fiction. I could wax lyrical about the ramifications/benefits for society these books have had and how important they are to several generations and how this generation has nothing that comes even close to it, but I won't. Read SVH up until about book 105 - after that it kind of degenerates into werewolves, vampires, becoming princesses in France and other such "Simpsons-esque" back to reality at the start of every book kind of schlock. University is another deal though. Losing yr v plates, having a stalker, getting married, oh my! Rumour has it that there is another series coming up soon entitled Sweet Vally Heights or Sweet Valley Confidential. They all live in a gated community and are late 20s - early 30s. This is the most exciting news I have ever heard. (I own over 100 Sweet Valley books.)


Bonus tip - As a general rule, anything that deals with family secrets over generations in one book, is going to be up there with the trashy goodness.